50 First Dates

I have a feeling this post will be cliché-laden.  I apologize to those readers who loathe the overused cliché, but it’s all in good fun.

I began this reflective post prior to the New Year as a summary of my experiences so far…but a family crisis prevented me from writing much more than the title.  (More about that will come in a later post)

So here goes….

“You’ve come a long way baby”

This journey started out as a venture into the exploration of Dominance and submission.  I honestly wanted nothing more than a simple romp in the hay with a man in charge…in control of himself, able to direct and control me.

So let’s reflect on those who were nothing more than one-hit wonders…those not worthy a repeat performance….or worthy of anything other than a mere play-date.

You know, “you never get a second chance to make a first impression.”

“At the end of my rope”

There was Don Knots…the fact that this boy scout was into tying knots more than he was into me, was a sign that I needed to do a better job screening my suitors.  But we all have to start somewhere.  Guess I started at the bottom, on the bottom, as the bottom…literally.

“An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.”

Then there was the good doctor…”Dr. Pierce”.  He gets the award for the most awkward date ever.  EVER.  But I did enjoy myself on the trip to his little corner of the world and I learned quite a bit about hockey.  Yes.  You read that correctly.  Much of our date was centered around his view of a televised hockey game.  And I can now say that I have experienced a piercing.  Even if it was with Sheldon’s twin.

“Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”

There was the over zealous firefighter.  Never had a play-date and feel like I dodged a bullet there.  I could feel some serious stalker tendencies and I likely would have ended up tied to him for longer than I wanted.  With no escape.  Nice guy.  Just wrong guy.

“Sharp as a marble”

There’s Opie.  I know I haven’t named him before now…pure vanilla.  Pure waste of time. Not worthy of a test drive around Mayberry.  Not the one.  Not even close.  Not the droid I was looking for.  Bless him.

“Missed the boat”

There was the Captain.  Such potential there…but not what I was hoping for.  Reminds me of a NFL draft pick gone wrong.  Had all of the credentials, but just fell short when it was game time.  I bet he is his own worst enemy.  Another nice guy, but not a Dom at heart.

 

Now onto the next group…

“Business at hand”

Marky Mark and I had one playdate…however, we found that from a business stance, we were exceptionally compatible.  So we channeled our intensity into some creative business ventures.  We continue to be friends and I have immense respect for him.  And I will admit, we had a great time…but we are far better as business partners.

“Your father wasn’t a glass maker”

There’s Father D.  Kind man, but just not Dominant enough for me in the way I need it.  He was too controlling for my taste.  I think he would fare better with a younger woman who looks to him as a Daddy.  I just couldn’t go there.  Not with him.  I feel certain he will find the right fit.  She’s out there…I even helped him build his online dating profile.  Wish the best for him.

“Yanking my chain”

There is The Natural/The Seeker.  Our time together was his first foray into the lifestyle.  A quick-study, he looked to have incredible potential.  I had great sessions with him.  We seemed to connect on every level, but the conversation fizzled the farther we went.  We ran out of things to talk about.  Looking back, I now understand why he was limited in communication.  He was in another relationship and had not been honest with me.  Which is the reason I let him go.  No trust…no play.

“Good fences make good neighbors.”

The Goodfella…Henry Hill.  Even though we never sealed the deal, we became good friends. And when I turned to him for advice…he never steered me wrong.  And he is Ray Liotta’s twin when he wears a business suit.

“Hope springs eternal.”

There’s Hemingway and Billy the Kid.  On opposite sides of the age spectrum, these two fellas were gents in the true sense of the word.  Both brilliant.  Both successful.  Both incredibly fun.  Both served a great purpose in my life.  I realize that they were getting me ready.  Preparing me for something bigger.  Something more.  I was able to explore a deeper friendship with these two and it allowed me to be open for the One.  Through my connection with them, I realized that I (the cynic) could open my heart to the right One.

“You live and you learn….”

There’s Ike Turner.  I hate to waste space even mentioning his name, but it needs to be written.  Ladies (and gents alike) listen the little voice inside your head that tells you something is wrong.  Don’t try to rationalize.  Don’t overlook red flags.  I was lucky.  I was able to learn a lesson with minimal damage.  There was far more that happened on that Sunday in July than I shared.  Maybe one day, I will put it out there, maybe I won’t.  But I learned from it.  And I am stronger and wiser because of that wrong turn.

“Baptism by fire…”

There is the one I call Sir.  The one who helped me understand that what I sought was more than just play time.  That what I really wanted had a purpose.  He helped me see the spiritual side of D/s, which led me to begin writing this blog.  It led me to see things in a different light.  We have lost touch over the last few months.  Wish him the best.  Our limited time together was pivotal in directing me on this path.  Peace be to you, Sir.

And there’s the title to this blog.  Some of the BDSM purists initially overlooked my page because of the title.  I’ve gotten some serious flack for it.  But being in marketing, I couldn’t resist the opportunity.  I felt like giving the blog this title would open it up to a larger audience….which it has.  And I do feel that I have been saved.  I am humbled by the number of followers and views I’ve received in this past year.  I do hope that my readers have gleaned something from my experiences.  

So that’s not 50 first dates, is it?  No, not quite 50.  But all of these encounters.  The good. The bad.  The ugly.  The hysterically funny.  All were leading me to the One.  So 50 first dates on 50 Shades of Saved led me to One Amazing Man, my Maestro.  I can’t wait to continue chronicling our journey towards the enlightenment we seek together.  So I will conclude with this…

“A good man is hard to find.” I am thankful that I found my Maestro.

He found me “in the nick of time.”

And “the times, they are a changing.”

Stay tuned readers…”there’s lots coming down the pike”  (hee-hee)

(Here’s a cliché for what is on the way…“Space, the final frontier”)

Happy New Year.

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Numbers

Numbers play an important role in our daily lives.

We set alarms to wake up at a specific time
There’s a number…not my favorite.  Today it was 4:15 AM

We leave at a specific time to arrive at work/school on time
Another number…perhaps one I should pay closer attention to

We buy gas for our cars
How about those numbers?  Yikes

We buy coffee, lunch, etc
Numbers that quickly add up

We pay our bills
Numbers…some bigger than we want

We celebrate birthdays
The ever-increasing number

We date interesting gents from an online dating site
Number?

What?  Wait a minute….

What are the important numbers in dating?

Aside from keeping up with the exact number of spankings I receive, numbers often play an interesting role in the dating scene.

Here are a few I like to keep track of…

How many messages are exchanged before they bring in sexual innuendo?

How many messages before they ask for a phone number?

When is the initial meeting?

Those are all significant numbers.  Some would say I have skipped important numbers like their income…how many kids they have…how many times they’ve been married.

But I say, no.  That stuff is not a priority for me, unless they have been married more than Elizabeth Taylor.  We all make mistakes.  No judgement here.

Or if they haven’t held down a job since Clinton was president.  (There’s actually a number for that…a big fat ZERO)

Here’s another number to look at when dating….

Their age.

I have been surprised to find how significant and insignificant these numbers are.

Someone may be 46 years old in human years….but have the social acumen of a nervous 14 year old.

On the other hand, he could be 26 years old…and have the presence of a seasoned CEO.

He could be 31 and carry himself with the confidence and humility of a military General.

He could have his AARP card and still have the stamina of a freshman at Florida State.

Age is relative to the person.

Relative to their life experience.

Because I have learned this firsthand on my journey, I find that I pay little attention to age when perusing the dating scene.

But I do see trends.  Just my observations…

The older, more experienced men have a tendency to skip over the niceties.  They are often the gropers on the first date.  The ones who just try too hard.  Many of these men have been married for a long period of time and they are looking for that level of familiarity.

I also find that the older crowd is less apt to embrace change.  They have done it this way and it’s the way they do it.

The younger ones are eager to learn the ways of the experienced older teacher, while bringing their own set of skills.

I have found in my limited experience that they are more attentive.  And tend to be great listeners.

Listening to learn from their elders.

They can be a bit pushy at times, but I find it easier to redirect the younger student than their older counterpart.

Maybe I am a bit twisted…

Don’t answer that…

But I have found that my favorite suitors have been a bit younger or significantly younger than me.

They seem to embrace what I am in to and do all they can to learn more…

Their quest for knowledge and understanding is sexy.

And on a side note,  they are great with tech support stuff.  If I have an iPhone issue, they are the first on the scene with a solution.  Computer issue?  No problem.  It’s great! 

And those who are my age are fun and have their benefits.  Many of them are bitter from their impending mid-life crisis, but nonetheless, I enjoy them equally.

But the young ones are intriguing…

And nothing against the older, more seasoned gents.

Sometimes I crave the freshness over the seasoning.

And we will leave it at that…

Well okay then…Okay Cupid

You know my disdain for online dating.  As I’ve said, I find the whole thing tedious.

But yet, I am still on there. I am on Ok Cupid. 

Must be the masochist in me that keeps me registered.

But as I reflect on my experience, I have managed to find a few gems in the dark mine of contrived hedonistic limbo, that is online dating.

After all, I met Sir there.  And although we don’t see each other, we are in contact.  He still guides me, spiritually.

I met Henry-fucking-Hill there.  And although we have yet to seal the deal, he has turned out to be a real favorite.  He is the first person I call when things go south.  He and his gangster ways help me to put things into perspective, like a real goodfella.

I met Billy the Kid on there.  The one who provides the perfect dynamic in my chaotic life, blending friendship and hot carnal pleasure.  And his brilliance is the ultimate aphrodisiac.  I enjoy riding off into the sunset/sunrise with this young gun.

I met Mr. Hemingway.  The one man who penetrates my tar-black soul releasing me to new levels of Nirvana.  The one most likely to be the One.  Sigh.

And I am registered on Fetlife and Alt.com.  (Met Ike Turner on Alt, yuck)

But again, I have found more success on OKC.

Why is that?  Is it pure luck?  Or have I learned to master the questionnaire enough to select those who possess what I seek?

Here are the questions I examine when looking for those with potential to bring the dynamic.

There is the blatant question:  Do you consider yourself to be: Dominant, Submissive or Balanced?  Do you prefer your partner to be, Dominant, Submissive or Balanced?

If they can’t get that one right, I automatically move on.  They have to be willing and able to put it out there.  After all, if they are Dominant, it shouldn’t be an issue to do so.   And I look for those seeking a Submissive partner.

Describe yourself, are you more carefree or intense? They must answer “intense” as I will have no Deadheads, Parrotheads or the like, trying to dominate me.  They are so laid back, I’d never get tied up.

Next question:  What makes for a better relationship, passion or dedication?

I seek those answering “Passion” as I have found those looking for “Dedication” are needy and clingy.  I want someone to be passionate.

Next question:  Do you want your partner to be kinkier than you:  Yes, No, Not possible.

I may be a slut for saying it, but I want those who answer, “Not possible” as it lets me know they are a bit “out” there.  Incidentally, I answered it, “Not possible.”

Next question:  What is more important to you right now, love or sex?

I am not looking for love.  Let’s be real…we are all adults here.  Even when they answer love, they mean sex.  But if someone has the balls to put “sex” as their answer, they score points with me.  Those who put ‘love’ have the potential to be clingy and possessive.  Not what I seek.

And the final one, in my litmus test of finding the kinksters:

If you were to die and people were to go through your belongings, would they be shocked at what they find?

Answer choices are:  Yes, No, A little, Very.

I want the ones who answer with a “Yes” and I really like the ones who answer “Very” as this implies they have some varied accoutrements in their possession.  I answered, “Very”.  I do think about that from time to time…what would they do if they found my box of fun…complete with cuffs, riding crops, collars, etc.

So if the person answers the questions accordingly, I may engage them in a message.  Typically they have already messaged me.

Question to the other subs out there reading this:   Is there an invisible tattoo that appears on our foreheads that only Dominant types can see?  I have had so many approach me, almost already knowing that I am a submissive.  How do they do that?   Hemingway knew out of the gate that I was submissive.  He says there’s a look in my eyes that tells my story. 

I digress….

So as the messaging moves forward, I can determine even more.  If they are the jealous-type, they check when I log into OKC.  “Saw you were on this morning…I haven’t messaged anyone since I found you.  Are you still getting messages?”

Code word:  Stalker.  Insecure.  Clingy

That message shuts it down for me.  How dare they assume that because I have had an exchange of friendly cyber-banter that I belong to them.  I block them and move on. 

Other messages take on an overt sexual tone. 

Now folks, we have established that I am no prude.  I have been known to enjoy the company of a man.  Preferably a Dominant man. 

When they become too sexual too fast, that’s a huge red flag for me.  I find it crass and unsophisticated.  I am fine with a little innuendo peppered into the conversation, but when it goes to, “I love your tits.  I can wait to….”

Code word:  Frat boy. Troglodyte.

Again, I am no prude.  I know the conversation will eventually go this route, however, I demand a higher level of finesse.  When they are crass and overtly direct, I know they will never understand the dynamic I seek. They are focused on their needs.  So I move on…but not without a scathing message to let them know why things have never worked out for them…

When they fall in love too quickly, that sends me running for the hills.  What I find most amusing is when they says things like,

“If we really hit it off, I have season tickets to XYZ, we’ll have a great time going….and I have a feeling that you’re the one for me….blah, blah, blah”

Code word:  Desperate.  Co-dependent.

Many men who have been married for long periods of time fall into this category.  They are accustomed to being part of a pair, and they are determined to recreate it.  Whether or not it’s a good fit, is secondary.  They want the person to “cuddle” with and have issues being alone.  This type bothers me most.  It’s set up for failure from the beginning and they never learn.  They are so focused on finding anyone to pair with, that they find themselves heartbroken over and over.  And they will never see that it’s their own damned fault.  I wish I could take the time to let them know why things never work out for them, but I don’t have the time nor the patience.  And they would see my assistance as a sign that we were “meant for each other”.  Geez….

So after I have determined that the person is none of those referenced above, I will continue correspondence.  And eventually we meet.  Sometimes it’s good.  We like each other. There is chemistry. 

Sometimes, it’s just not good. 

For me, the number one thing missing from online dating, the reason it’s so difficult to find the right fit via messages and phone calls…there is no accounting for presence. 

Do they stand tall and confident? Or are they slumped and broken?

Do they have a commanding way about them?  People talk “shit” all of the time.  You may think you’ve found the most Dominant man in the world by your conversations and messages. 

You meet for drinks and he is uneasy about getting the server’s attention when we need another drink.  No command at all.  No presence. 

For me, presence is by far the most important piece.  I am not fixated on what they look like.  I realize how quickly looks can change (I work in healthcare, I’ve seen some tragic things).  I am not particular about body-type, facial hair, height or anything superficial.  For me it’s about how they carry themselves.  How they present themselves. 

And they have to have a brain.  No scarecrows here.  I need an intelligent man.  One who can keep up in conversation and hold their own in intense discussions.  That is the ultimate aphrodisiac for me, cunning intelligence.  Sigh…

He’s out there somewhere.  The One. 

I’ll find Him somehow…I already have His song ready.  It’s simple and straightforward…

But I’m a man, yes I am
And I can’t help
But love you so

I got to keep my image
While suspended from a throne
That looks out upon a kingdom
Full of people all unknown

That’s what I’m talking about….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cats, Curiosity and the Renaissance Man

Hemingway

It’s 4:00 in the MORNING….

There is so much spinning about in my head tonight.  I am all over the place.  I feel unsettled.  I feel curious.

A couple of weeks ago, I was messaged by a man from my Vanilla dating site.  This message was much different from the typical Vanilla message of, “your purty” or “hit me up gorgeous” or “let’s chat beautiful”

This message had a distinct tone.  A tone recognizable to a sub like myself.  It unsettled me…in a good way.

Curiosity is a weakness for me as prefaced in some of the good/bad decisions I’ve made along my journey.

Who is this man?  I read his profile.

Well-written and biting…I liked it immediately.  There were certain undertones.

Then I read his list of 6 things he could not live without, #6 was his riding crop.

BINGO…

I replied to his message with my own certain tone and added in, as a closing, “I have been known to enjoy a riding crop”

Message received.

We began talking and there was an instant connection.  He was different than anyone I’d talked with previously.  He had a true wisdom about him…a je ne sais quoi….

Worldly, well-spoken, polite, knowledgeable.  A pure gentleman with a twisted dark side.

I was talking with a real Renaissance Man.

I’d heard of Renaissance men, but I thought of them more as a concept, an ideal.  I didn’t think they existed.

And I found one…early in my journey.

A real Renaissance Man in the modern world…who is also an experienced Dom.

With a riding crop.

The BDSM gods have smiled down upon me. 

As we plan our inaugural encounter, he sends me his thoughts.  Random thoughts.  Dark thoughts.  Enlightened thoughts.  Kinky thoughts.

His emails are so well-written that it’s almost like reading a erotic novella.  And because of this I call him, Hemingway.

So Hemingway sends an interesting thought…

“In the Vanilla world, couples often have a difficult time expressing their desires.  Especially their dark desires.  They fear rejection.  They fear their partner will find them perverse.  It’s different in OUR beautiful world.  We openly express our darkest needs and desires, however, there is still a degree of fear.  If we verbalize the fantasy, are we truly prepared for it to become a reality? In OUR world, there is a high probability it will happen.  So, I guess we should be careful what we wish for…”

Eloquent.  Honest.  Thought-provoking.

And there have been other thoughts.  Dark thoughts.  Scenarios with burning flesh and medieval torture tactics.

Hemingway has certainly peaked my curiosity.  He is different.  I almost don’t know how to prepare for our first encounter.  It’s a bit unsettling.

A bit scary.

And I like it.

More to come…

 

 

 

These are not the droids you are looking for…

Obi Wan Kenobi was a veritable genius…

“These are NOT the droids you are looking for…”

No wiser words have ever been spoken.

I have come to a real conclusion.  These Vanilla dates are indeed, NOT the droids I’m looking for.

Mr. Bond tells me that I am wasting my time on “Vanilla” dating sites.

“They cannot give you what you seek.”

Henry Hill waits to hear of the adventures, for the “I told you so” moment.

And yet, I continue to look.

Why?  Why do I waste my time?  Why do I put myself through the turmoil?

Introspectively, I think it’s a bit of a distraction for me.  Fun and entertaining.

And it’s because I think the blend exists.  I would love to find the perfect man.

The one I can bring home to family for Christmas dinner…that later that evening, breaks off a limb from the Christmas tree and flogs me senseless.  Ties me up with Christmas ribbon.  Puts his new riding crop in my stocking. 

Now that’s the gift that keeps on giving…sigh

Back to the story…

So after another painful Vanilla date, I find myself drifting, looking at the situation as an outsider looking in.

We sit across a table from each other…sharing small talk and a meal.

He thinks I am a sweet, virtuous single mother of three who works hard and seeks someone to share my life.

I think he is a broken man who is distrusting of women, because they have all “done him wrong” and looks for someone to save the day…by making himher hero.

I can tell 15 minutes (let’s be honest, 15 seconds) into the date that he’s not worth my time.

He is pure vanilla…it’s seeping from his pores.

I feel like a kitten playing with a ball of yarn, as he has no idea what lurks beneath my sweet exterior.

As we say down South, “Bless his heart.”

I try to lead him into conversation that would give me an indication of whether he has “it in him” at all.

It’s obvious he doesn’t.  But I give it the college try and take him on a test drive.

On this drive we visit the town of Mayberry and get a big scoop of vanilla at the local ice cream parlor.

Plain vanilla.

Now, he LOVED the drive.  It took him to places he had never experienced on the way to good ole Mayberry.  For me, it was neither about the journey or the destination.  It was two hours out of my life that could have been better spent researching cell popping and branding.

Because that’s what I am in to…

It’s obvious to me that I have crossed over.  I cannot do Vanilla of any sort, any longer.

Bond is right…waste of my time.

Henry Hill is right…it always ends badly.

It’s official.

Obi Wan, I choose the Dark Side.

 

 

 

 

 

No Country for Old Men

billy-the-kid

I think we’ve established that I am always up for an adventure.

I find the online dating scene a bit tedious.  After all, I’ve been on a search for a very specific person for a long time.  It’s strange for me to open up to the vanilla possibilities out there.  After all, if I meet someone, how do I explain that I have a Dom in my life?  I mean how do you have that conversation.  I can see it now….

Over a lovely, contrived candlelight dinner in an upscale restaurant, we exchange niceties.

“How long have you lived in the area?”

“Tell me about your job”

“What do you like to do for fun?” (Dangerous ground for me…I like being tied and blindfolded. Add in a knife for kicks)

And as the night goes on we become more comfortable…

“When is the last time you were in a relationship?”

Some will be so bold as to ask, “What happened with your last relationship?”

How do I answer that?  How do I have the conversation?

Let’s rehearse, shall we…

“I am actually in a non-traditional relationship now.  It’s open, so I am free to date others.”

That will open the flood gates for a barrage of questions….

Or maybe I could say, “I am not interested in a serious relationship, I am seeing others.  I don’t seek a commitment”

That is code-word for:  tramp, slut, cheater, harlot and I just want sex from you….

So how do I do this?

Well before I could figure out my 5 minute elevator speech, I met an interesting young gentleman online.  We messaged and texted for a while and decided to chat on the phone for a bit.

Two hours later, I invited him over.

I know, I know….I sometimes lack judgment, but I have great intuition.  And he was harmless…

He was a very intelligent, witty, handsome fella…who was working on his postgraduate degree and had just been accepted into Harvard.

I am a sucker for the genius type.

And he was 26 years old.  Not a typo…two-six, Roman numerals….XXVI (gosh, it really looks better written that way)

Yes, TWENTY-SIX.

He was born the year Dirty Dancing was released….

The year Milli Vanilla began recording their farce of an album…

The year I got my driver’s license. (If that’s not a REALITY CHECK.)

And yes, he was here.  In my house….drinking wine and dishing on philosophy.

I had NEVER in my career of relationships ever been with anyone younger that myself.

NEVER.

EVER.

So here I am with this young gun.  A young gun who could hold his own in conversation and was far more mature than many of the forty-somethings I had dated.  Wow…what to do?

So I had the conversation.  He was an adult, after all (barely).  I told him about Bond and my journey.

He didn’t even flinch.  He maintained eye contact and asked great questions.

No judgment at all from him.  He didn’t run out the front door.

So we dished for hours…

Waxed poetic on my leather sofa.  Here’s a twist…nothing else happened.

And like the gentleman he was, he excused himself around 3:00 am.  On his way out he gave me an intense kiss goodnight.

This kid has some skills.

But the next night was a different story.  We agreed that he would come over for a “play-date”

Knowing what I was “in” to, I received a text late in the evening:

“When I get there I want you on the stairs with nothing on but heels and a smile, got it?

I was impressed, but I feel it’s time for me to pull a switch.

Switch:  A person in the BDSM lifestyle who can play either role, Top or bottom, Dominant or submissive.

It was time for me to channel my inner-Domme.

He arrived exactly on time, with a bottle of wine.  His mother obviously raised him right.  You always bring a hostess gift.

I greeted him in a dress and the heels he requested.

We shared a glass of wine and it was ON.

And since I give all of my guys a name for the blog,  he is Billy the Kid.

He is a renegade.  And sometimes wears a cowboy hat.

I won’t divulge all of the details, but we had a fantastic time.  I loved splashing about in the fountain of youth.

I was in the zone.  I was in control for a change and I REALLY enjoyed it.

My inner-Domme eagerly came out to play.

He knows a lot for his limited years on this earth.  But the young gun still has much to learn from an experienced teacher.

Billy is definitely going to be a regular…

Just the dish I was searching for….

To be continued.

 

Ordering Off of the Menu

I have gone to the extreme in my quest to find submission.  This search consumes a great deal of energy.  And truly, there are days that I just want the dish of vanilla.  Simplicity.

Just a regular guy.

Not a Boy Scout or Cowboy.

Not a pierced doctor or Sunday school teacher.

Not a daddy.

Just a guy…for just a girl.

Let me be clear….I am not giving up Mr.Bond, just looking to supplement.

And there are so many flavors out there.

It’s a proverbial buffet of personalities.

And as I’ve established, they ALL fly a freak flag in some way.

Now I must navigate this abyss of online dating to determine what exactly I am hungry for…

It’s honestly like perusing the 12 page menu at TGI Fridays.

There are so many choices, it’s overwhelming and you find yourself making some rash decision simply because the waitress is on her third trip to your table.

Everyone else has made a decision.  Why can’t you?

So you pick something….

And you place your order.  Without special modifications.  After all, it was an impulse decision.

You order comes out and you think….

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?

I don’t want this!  Not even appetizing at all.

It’s identical with online dating.

It’s like a cheap buffet.  And you feel in control because you choose to “order off of the menu” instead.

The websites trick you  into thinking you are making an informed choice, by providing you with affirmations like, “85% match”

Sometimes you are lucky and what you are served hits the spot.  Yes, it was an impulse decision, but a good one.

And then there are times that you place the order, knowing it’s going to be bad.

You try it anyway, thinking that after you taste it, you may like it.

Just not good.

Not what you wanted.

So how do you know what to order off of the menu in the buffet of online dating.

There are certain red flags in the description that let you know to run in the other direction.

For example, if the person’s screen name is “I-am-the-one” or “together-4ever” or “nxt-husband”

Run for the hills…and consider yourself warned.  If you heed this advice, consider yourself lucky.

If they have anything sexually explicit in their screen name, “hard-4-u” or “cum-2-c-me” you know what you are ordering.

Seriously? How crass…Isn’t there another website for such pseudonyms?

There are those that are funny.  Some are goofy, “cuddly-n-cute” or “laughaminute”

And you have to ask yourself, “do I want to spend an evening with a frustrated, undiscovered stand-up comedian?”

Do you want to force yourself to laugh at his jokes?

So it comes down to this…you get what you get, whether you line up at the buffet for what’s being offered to you.

Or if you order specifically off of the menu.

It’s all the same.  It’s all food.

Hopefully it will satisfy both your taste and your appetite.

Bon appetit, mes amis!

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