Numbers play an important role in our daily lives.

We set alarms to wake up at a specific time
There’s a number…not my favorite.  Today it was 4:15 AM

We leave at a specific time to arrive at work/school on time
Another number…perhaps one I should pay closer attention to

We buy gas for our cars
How about those numbers?  Yikes

We buy coffee, lunch, etc
Numbers that quickly add up

We pay our bills
Numbers…some bigger than we want

We celebrate birthdays
The ever-increasing number

We date interesting gents from an online dating site

What?  Wait a minute….

What are the important numbers in dating?

Aside from keeping up with the exact number of spankings I receive, numbers often play an interesting role in the dating scene.

Here are a few I like to keep track of…

How many messages are exchanged before they bring in sexual innuendo?

How many messages before they ask for a phone number?

When is the initial meeting?

Those are all significant numbers.  Some would say I have skipped important numbers like their income…how many kids they have…how many times they’ve been married.

But I say, no.  That stuff is not a priority for me, unless they have been married more than Elizabeth Taylor.  We all make mistakes.  No judgement here.

Or if they haven’t held down a job since Clinton was president.  (There’s actually a number for that…a big fat ZERO)

Here’s another number to look at when dating….

Their age.

I have been surprised to find how significant and insignificant these numbers are.

Someone may be 46 years old in human years….but have the social acumen of a nervous 14 year old.

On the other hand, he could be 26 years old…and have the presence of a seasoned CEO.

He could be 31 and carry himself with the confidence and humility of a military General.

He could have his AARP card and still have the stamina of a freshman at Florida State.

Age is relative to the person.

Relative to their life experience.

Because I have learned this firsthand on my journey, I find that I pay little attention to age when perusing the dating scene.

But I do see trends.  Just my observations…

The older, more experienced men have a tendency to skip over the niceties.  They are often the gropers on the first date.  The ones who just try too hard.  Many of these men have been married for a long period of time and they are looking for that level of familiarity.

I also find that the older crowd is less apt to embrace change.  They have done it this way and it’s the way they do it.

The younger ones are eager to learn the ways of the experienced older teacher, while bringing their own set of skills.

I have found in my limited experience that they are more attentive.  And tend to be great listeners.

Listening to learn from their elders.

They can be a bit pushy at times, but I find it easier to redirect the younger student than their older counterpart.

Maybe I am a bit twisted…

Don’t answer that…

But I have found that my favorite suitors have been a bit younger or significantly younger than me.

They seem to embrace what I am in to and do all they can to learn more…

Their quest for knowledge and understanding is sexy.

And on a side note,  they are great with tech support stuff.  If I have an iPhone issue, they are the first on the scene with a solution.  Computer issue?  No problem.  It’s great! 

And those who are my age are fun and have their benefits.  Many of them are bitter from their impending mid-life crisis, but nonetheless, I enjoy them equally.

But the young ones are intriguing…

And nothing against the older, more seasoned gents.

Sometimes I crave the freshness over the seasoning.

And we will leave it at that…


The Natural

the natural


A friend told me that if I was a serial killer, I would be a collector.  She went on to say that I would keep a token from each of those I killed.


I asked her where she got such a crazy thought.

Her reply, “I read your blog. You savor each experience.  Sharing them is like collecting a piece of it for yourself to have as a memento.”

How interesting….I love that she went there.  Great correlation.

And what a good friend to enlighten me.  (If ever I do have the inclination to off one of my suitors, I will be sure to keep a finger or some appendage to reminisce…I digress…)

Which brings me to this post.  I am struggling to write this one.  I almost don’t want to share it.

I don’t want to decide how to tag it.

How to categorize it.

How to label it.

In fact, I cannot come up with a proper blog name for Him. I cannot find a fit.

I can’t put a label on Him.

He’s different.

Surprisingly different.

(Yes, this is the man I mentioned in my last post, “All These Things…”)

We met in a very typical way, on OK Cupid.  He messaged me about my profile and his message seemed sincere.  It was not appearance-based, which was refreshing.  He seemed to connect with the words on my profile, rather than just my picture.

We began messaging about ourselves…our lives…our work…our experiences with online dating.

We had a sincere connection.  And there was a spark there.

And you know me….in proper fashion,  I decided to sabotage the whole thing, as I sometimes do…and I shared my blog with Him.

Like a select few, it did not scare Him away.

It intrigued Him.  He was not intimidated at all.

Interesting gent…

So we got over that speed bump.

But you know my track record with OKC.  Some have been great and others have seemed perfect and fizzled within the first minutes of our initial meeting.  So I was hesitant.

Will he be real?  Will he be who he seems to be?

We finally agreed to meet on a Wednesday for coffee.  But it turns out on the Monday prior to our date, I was child-free (a rare occurrence in my life) so I asked if he would like to come by my house for coffee.

He was most agreeable.

Around 4:00 pm,  I received a text.

“Here are your instructions for the evening:

1.  Wear a perfume that you like.  I will need to know the name of it, as you will be instructed to wear this each time we meet.

2.  Your safeword is “freeze”

3.  Warning words are yellow and red.  Used like a traffic light

4.  Your pet name is “little girl”

5.  You will address me as Sir.

I will arrive at 8:45.  We will begin our initial meeting in a casual/vanilla way.  I will then take control when I see fit and you will adhere to the guidelines outlined above.”

I love instructions.

But here’s the thing…He was not a seasoned Dom.  In fact, He had just really learned about the lifestyle through my blog.

He had no experience.

Obviously, a quick study.  Or maybe he’s just naturally this way?

I wanted to reply to his instruction with a “DDDAAAAYYYUUUMMM” (southern speak for Damn)

But I simply replied, “Yes Sir”

As usual, I was running behind trying to get the kids settled in at their respective places.  I messaged him and asked for a few more minutes.

He reluctantly gave me 10 additional minutes.

At exactly 8:55, he arrived at my doorstep.


Great physique, strong and in command…



Looked to me like he could have been closely related to both Tobey Maguire and Joaquin Phoenix.

He had the presence I seek.  It was oozing from his pores.

Again, I speak southern…DAMN

Just as he said, our evening began in a very causal, vanilla way.  About a half hour into our great chat, he looked at me and said,

“Are you ready to play?”

I was beyond ready.

He began the evening with some serious impact play, courtesy of my new riding crop.  He was relentless in his task.  I kept losing track of the number we were on.  He was always willing to start over…

I recall looking back at Him, thinking I may have caught the glimpse of a sadistic grin on his face.

Then things moved into a more mutual physical expression.  We were a perfect match for each other.

The intensity was reciprocal.

Like a storm, we gained momentum together.  Our energy fueled the crazy-hot, furious passion.

He whispered in my ear, the things he planned to do to me.

So hot…

He looked deep into my eyes as he was deeply inside me and then he grinned that slightly sadistic grin…

As he clutched my throat.

His stare was piercing.  The look in his eyes, combined with the pressure around my neck brought me to an entirely different level.  I was heading over my edge.

There was no turning back for either of us.

We arrived at this same place together, with his strong hands around my soft neck.


And I never mentioned breath play to him.  He instinctively went there. He knew what I liked without me having to tell him.

Isn’t that what we all really want?

Someone who gets us.  Who understands our needs without us needing to spell it out?

And as for me, I want it all.

The passion.

His Dominance over me.

My submission to Him.

Our intensity together.

The unspoken understanding between us.

And so far, I have found this with Him.

But still, I hesitate to assign Him a blog name, as I feel He will morph into many different characters.

So for now, let’s call Him….

The Natural.

That says it all…





Well okay then…Okay Cupid

You know my disdain for online dating.  As I’ve said, I find the whole thing tedious.

But yet, I am still on there. I am on Ok Cupid. 

Must be the masochist in me that keeps me registered.

But as I reflect on my experience, I have managed to find a few gems in the dark mine of contrived hedonistic limbo, that is online dating.

After all, I met Sir there.  And although we don’t see each other, we are in contact.  He still guides me, spiritually.

I met Henry-fucking-Hill there.  And although we have yet to seal the deal, he has turned out to be a real favorite.  He is the first person I call when things go south.  He and his gangster ways help me to put things into perspective, like a real goodfella.

I met Billy the Kid on there.  The one who provides the perfect dynamic in my chaotic life, blending friendship and hot carnal pleasure.  And his brilliance is the ultimate aphrodisiac.  I enjoy riding off into the sunset/sunrise with this young gun.

I met Mr. Hemingway.  The one man who penetrates my tar-black soul releasing me to new levels of Nirvana.  The one most likely to be the One.  Sigh.

And I am registered on Fetlife and  (Met Ike Turner on Alt, yuck)

But again, I have found more success on OKC.

Why is that?  Is it pure luck?  Or have I learned to master the questionnaire enough to select those who possess what I seek?

Here are the questions I examine when looking for those with potential to bring the dynamic.

There is the blatant question:  Do you consider yourself to be: Dominant, Submissive or Balanced?  Do you prefer your partner to be, Dominant, Submissive or Balanced?

If they can’t get that one right, I automatically move on.  They have to be willing and able to put it out there.  After all, if they are Dominant, it shouldn’t be an issue to do so.   And I look for those seeking a Submissive partner.

Describe yourself, are you more carefree or intense? They must answer “intense” as I will have no Deadheads, Parrotheads or the like, trying to dominate me.  They are so laid back, I’d never get tied up.

Next question:  What makes for a better relationship, passion or dedication?

I seek those answering “Passion” as I have found those looking for “Dedication” are needy and clingy.  I want someone to be passionate.

Next question:  Do you want your partner to be kinkier than you:  Yes, No, Not possible.

I may be a slut for saying it, but I want those who answer, “Not possible” as it lets me know they are a bit “out” there.  Incidentally, I answered it, “Not possible.”

Next question:  What is more important to you right now, love or sex?

I am not looking for love.  Let’s be real…we are all adults here.  Even when they answer love, they mean sex.  But if someone has the balls to put “sex” as their answer, they score points with me.  Those who put ‘love’ have the potential to be clingy and possessive.  Not what I seek.

And the final one, in my litmus test of finding the kinksters:

If you were to die and people were to go through your belongings, would they be shocked at what they find?

Answer choices are:  Yes, No, A little, Very.

I want the ones who answer with a “Yes” and I really like the ones who answer “Very” as this implies they have some varied accoutrements in their possession.  I answered, “Very”.  I do think about that from time to time…what would they do if they found my box of fun…complete with cuffs, riding crops, collars, etc.

So if the person answers the questions accordingly, I may engage them in a message.  Typically they have already messaged me.

Question to the other subs out there reading this:   Is there an invisible tattoo that appears on our foreheads that only Dominant types can see?  I have had so many approach me, almost already knowing that I am a submissive.  How do they do that?   Hemingway knew out of the gate that I was submissive.  He says there’s a look in my eyes that tells my story. 

I digress….

So as the messaging moves forward, I can determine even more.  If they are the jealous-type, they check when I log into OKC.  “Saw you were on this morning…I haven’t messaged anyone since I found you.  Are you still getting messages?”

Code word:  Stalker.  Insecure.  Clingy

That message shuts it down for me.  How dare they assume that because I have had an exchange of friendly cyber-banter that I belong to them.  I block them and move on. 

Other messages take on an overt sexual tone. 

Now folks, we have established that I am no prude.  I have been known to enjoy the company of a man.  Preferably a Dominant man. 

When they become too sexual too fast, that’s a huge red flag for me.  I find it crass and unsophisticated.  I am fine with a little innuendo peppered into the conversation, but when it goes to, “I love your tits.  I can wait to….”

Code word:  Frat boy. Troglodyte.

Again, I am no prude.  I know the conversation will eventually go this route, however, I demand a higher level of finesse.  When they are crass and overtly direct, I know they will never understand the dynamic I seek. They are focused on their needs.  So I move on…but not without a scathing message to let them know why things have never worked out for them…

When they fall in love too quickly, that sends me running for the hills.  What I find most amusing is when they says things like,

“If we really hit it off, I have season tickets to XYZ, we’ll have a great time going….and I have a feeling that you’re the one for me….blah, blah, blah”

Code word:  Desperate.  Co-dependent.

Many men who have been married for long periods of time fall into this category.  They are accustomed to being part of a pair, and they are determined to recreate it.  Whether or not it’s a good fit, is secondary.  They want the person to “cuddle” with and have issues being alone.  This type bothers me most.  It’s set up for failure from the beginning and they never learn.  They are so focused on finding anyone to pair with, that they find themselves heartbroken over and over.  And they will never see that it’s their own damned fault.  I wish I could take the time to let them know why things never work out for them, but I don’t have the time nor the patience.  And they would see my assistance as a sign that we were “meant for each other”.  Geez….

So after I have determined that the person is none of those referenced above, I will continue correspondence.  And eventually we meet.  Sometimes it’s good.  We like each other. There is chemistry. 

Sometimes, it’s just not good. 

For me, the number one thing missing from online dating, the reason it’s so difficult to find the right fit via messages and phone calls…there is no accounting for presence. 

Do they stand tall and confident? Or are they slumped and broken?

Do they have a commanding way about them?  People talk “shit” all of the time.  You may think you’ve found the most Dominant man in the world by your conversations and messages. 

You meet for drinks and he is uneasy about getting the server’s attention when we need another drink.  No command at all.  No presence. 

For me, presence is by far the most important piece.  I am not fixated on what they look like.  I realize how quickly looks can change (I work in healthcare, I’ve seen some tragic things).  I am not particular about body-type, facial hair, height or anything superficial.  For me it’s about how they carry themselves.  How they present themselves. 

And they have to have a brain.  No scarecrows here.  I need an intelligent man.  One who can keep up in conversation and hold their own in intense discussions.  That is the ultimate aphrodisiac for me, cunning intelligence.  Sigh…

He’s out there somewhere.  The One. 

I’ll find Him somehow…I already have His song ready.  It’s simple and straightforward…

But I’m a man, yes I am
And I can’t help
But love you so

I got to keep my image
While suspended from a throne
That looks out upon a kingdom
Full of people all unknown

That’s what I’m talking about….