Rolling in the Deep…

This won’t be a sexy, metaphorically-laden clever post.  Folks, this is where the sh*t gets real.

We are approaching 4 months since M’s arrival.  For the number people (I happen to be one) That’s 120 days.  That’s 2880 hours.  That’s one third of a year.

And the veneer has worn off.

Yes, we have farted in front of each other.  He has seen me at my best and my worst.  He sees the in between.  He sees through my bullshit.  And occasionally, I feel a tinge of panic…because there’s nowhere for me to hide.  He will reveal me

. He has seen me swell with pride as my oldest graduated from high school, with honors.  He was there when my 7 year old had his art show.  And my 2 year old runs to him first when we both arrive at daycare to pick her up.  I am His.  He is mine.  And the kids are morphing into ours.  We are a family.  A happy family.

He is here when I fall apart…I lost my job of 6 years due to a major shift in budget.  He was here to help pick me up, reassuring me that all would work out.  Reminding me that we will be fine.

He is by my side as I watch my father’s health deteriorate.  We put him on hospice this week.  It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to face.   And I am not alone in the journey…he is here.  Leading me as my protector.

And in the midst of this chaos, he is my strength.  He helps me unpack the years of baggage I carry with me.  My burden is lighter because he works me through my issues.  (I sometimes feel like he needs to bill me for a copay)

beautiful

This is the beauty of a strong relationship.  This is the epitome of D/s.  It’s not the kink.  It’s not the scenes.  (Those are wonderful and have their purpose.) But this where we go deeper.  This is where I give all to my M and he gives me sanctuary.  This is where we grow. We have a long way to go, but I will say that we walk the road together.  And when I want to run and hide…when I want to forge ahead, or lag behind….he reminds me of who I am.

I am HIS… I belong to Him, and He’s got this.

walls

(Quotes from Pinterest) 

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Stretched

very stretched and far fetched his mind had become.. .

Each and every day brings new experiences for me as I fall deeper and deeper in love with M.  I never thought I could really get what I wanted.  I was always prepared to give something up to get something else.  I no longer have to do that.  He is a complete person, a man in every sense of the word…who fulfills what I need and want .  And each day that passes teaches me something more.  More about him.  More about our dynamic.  More about being a parent.  More about being HIS.  He tests me on every level, because he knows I am capable of handling it.

Every day I am stretched (sometimes literally) or metaphorically speaking.

And each day I am thankful to have found my One.

And So It Begins…

Today is the DAY! M is in route and in less than seven hours..he will be here. The kids are beyond excited and I have been “nesting” all week to get things ready for his arrival. (Special thanks to those who helped me get it all together, Lou and PBR, thanks ladies…your help and support made all the difference!)

Sometimes, there is a song that just fits the occasion, perfectly. Leave it to John Lennon to have the right words.

It’s time to spread our wing’s and fly,
Don’t let another day go by my love,
It’ll be just like starting over – starting over,

Save travels, M.  We are all ready for you to come home.

At a Loss…

closer please

I am at a loss for words…

And yet I sit here, trying to share with you what I experienced this weekend.  Trying to figure out a way to put it out there in words that can be understood.

And even I don’t fully understand it.

Maestro arrived at 5:07 am on Saturday morning.  He decided to sleep for a while after work before making the drive to me, putting him here before daybreak.  Things were different from the beginning.  There was a different feel to his arrival.  It didn’t feel like he was coming for a visit.

It felt like he was coming home.

And after such a long and tedious drive through the night, he was ready for bed.  Or so I thought…

By 6:34 am, I’d had so many orgasms that I felt lightheaded.  Each one was more intense than the previous one.  The freshly laundered sheets were muddled in a matter of minutes and Maestro was intent on pushing further.

With his hand firmly grasping my throat, he growled, “I am not finished using you yet.”

And he carried on with his intent.  Pushing me.  Extracting ecstasy at every move.  I was almost in a state of bewilderment, almost at my limit, when he relented and allowed me respite…giving me the opportunity to please him…to worship him.

We got little sleep and the kids were up very early.  They were excited to see M.  They adore him. We spent the majority of the day playing with them…and the babysitter arrived.  We decided to grab an early dinner.  I could tell Maestro was thinking about something, I could sense it.  As we ate, he said, “I am coming here to stay.  No more traveling back and forth.  This is where I want to be.  I have a job offer and it’s time to make the change.”

I was shocked.  We had been talking about his relocation, with a projected time frame for the summer.  So this was sudden and I was beyond happy.  I need this man, this wonderful man, in my life daily…I need to be in his presence, daily.

So we sat there and planned.  And he will be here this weekend.  This is REALLY happening!

Looking back at the inception of this blog, of my journey at that time…I could have never dreamed that this would happen.  I never dreamed that I would ever find the happiness, as I have with him.  I never knew I could have the whole enchilada…have my cake and savor it too…

Think about it…I have been blessed with a man who loves and adores me.

And I love and adore him.

He loves my kids.

My kids love him.

He loves and accepts my family (my ailing father).

My family LOVES him.

He is able to fulfill my mind (not easy, I am an over-analytical, people pleaser)

He is able to lead and protect me.

He is able to take me to places I’ve never been.

He allows me to be my wickedly kinky self (as he is also wickedly kinky, even more than me).

And here we go…

My Master, as I am His…His slave.

He owns me, saying I am His most precious possession.

And we are about to embark on this crazy journey together as One.

So again, I am at a loss… a loss of what to say… a loss of the mess I was before.

Looking forward to who I have become.  Who I will become…

As we become One.

one day

 

Tests, Initials, and Labels

So the post I wrote on the alphabet had me thinking…there are really so many letters and labels out there in the BDSM community.  Think about it, the community itself is identified by it’s four letters

Bondage and Discipline/Domination and submission/Sadism and Masochism

Keeping this theme going, the main tenet to the lifestyle are these 3 letters:  S S and C

Safe, sane and consensual.

And preferably, DDD

Drug, disease and drama-free.

And for those who practice DD (domestic discipline), the lifestyle is often described as TTWD (this thing we do).

So many letters…

And with the recent BDSM test that circulated around here on WP, I found it interesting…

The categories that I fit into…

Of the M/s, I am the s (no surprise here)

Of the S & M, I am the M (truly no surprise either)

I enjoy the B.  I enjoy the D.  (not a shocker)

Along with that analysis…

And I am venturing into a 24/7 dynamic with my M, as we are embarking on a TPE relationship.

But we are currently in a LDR.

In addition to these initials, I am a SWF and have been told on some occasion that I also fit into the MILF category, which makes me chuckle.  I think that horny bag boy wanted to put more than groceries in my trunk.

So many initials.  So many labels.  But it doesn’t define who we are.  And if I may digress for a quick minute…on the Myers-Briggs personality test, I am an ENFP, for those who keep up with that stuff.

For those who follow astrology…I am a Sagittarius.

For those who follow the Chinese Zodiac, I am a rat, water rat to be precise.

Back to the BDSM labeling… let’s summarize by the letters only:

I am a SWF, who is a s to her M, that is the M in S & M, enjoying a little B & D as she ventures into a 24/7 TPE relationship, that is currently a LDR, until her M in FL is able to relocate to GA.

What the letters don’t say:

She is fierce, strong woman who openly and freely chooses to submit to her partner, who has evolved into her Master.  She has been plagued with significant trust issues for most of her life and enjoys being able to let go completely as his devoted slave, giving all control to her M.  In doing so, she enjoys that he pushes her limits through various scenarios…and she finds those involving a certain degree of pain and/or bondage, to be the most pleasurable.  She is eager for the day when she and her M are able to live freely in a total power exchange relationship, because for now there is 7 hours separating them.

But their day is coming.

masters feet

 

And they won’t define themselves by the letters, or the labels.  But rather they will define their devotion to each other by:

The unspoken.  The subliminal.

The mundane.  The profound.

The awe-inspiring.  The day-to-day.

The good.  The bad.

The everything.

Because that is what they are to each other…

The Four-Letter Word

And as our weekend came to a close, I found myself spent and euphoric.  Maestro and I had an amazing time together.  I feel us becoming closer.  Our connection deeper.  Our future together more certain.  Our plans more definite.

I can say, without a shred of doubt or hesitation….

I am His.

He left early Monday to return home.  I was in desperate need of a nap and a shower.  There was only time for one of them…so I took a shower and readied myself for work.

After showering I noticed there was something written on my backside.  Something left behind by my Maestro.  I turned to look more closely in the mirror.

And there it was…

His mark.

My title…

Written in beautiful block lettering, by the hand of the man I love, was a four letter word.

Scribed backwards, so I could read it clearly in the mirror, was just this single word that says it all…

MINE

Mine

 

 

 

 

 

Joy, Pain, and Minnie Pearl

Where were we?  Oh that’s right…we just finished up Saturday.

Maestro conducted a full orchestra throughout the weekend.  By the time Sunday rolled around (we affectionately call Sunday, Subday around here) I was soft putty in his hands.  Honestly, he could look at me and evoke a reaction.  Every nerve in my body longed for his touch and I found myself, once again, sequestered to the bed.

Under his spell.

He held me captive for hours delivering immense pleasure as only he can.  I love that he keeps a close check on my needs.  He got up and brought me some water, but paused before returning to the bed.

He rummaged through our bag of tricks and I was once again redirected…this time to keep my eyes closed.  He came back to the bed and put my collar on.  The collar that has his affectionate pet name for me (SLUT) in silver on the front.  Once I have that on, I find that any inhibitions I may have are erased from my being.

“I didn’t tell you to open your eyes.  Now close them, my dirty little slut”

Damn…he has a way with words…

I could hear him open something…like a cap.  I realized it was the tube of lubricant in the bag.  I wondered what would come next…

I readied myself.  I could feel him looking at me.

“Open your eyes.”

I opened them and saw that he’d selected a new item from our collection.  He was holding the new anal plug I’d ordered.  He wanted me to see it.  He wanted me to know what was in store for me.

It is a bit imposing, I must admit.  Have you ever ordered too much in a restaurant, only to realize that your eyes were bigger than your stomach?

In this case, my eyes were bigger than my ass…

I had a slight bit of fear pulsating through my veins as I watched him position me, ready me for this session of play.  I knew it would be intense, but I welcomed the opportunity to push more limits…and as I pondered this limit-pushing…

Maestro slowly pushed the tip of the plug inside me.

(Here’s a bit of trivia for you folks at home…I have named it Minnie Pearl, because when it goes in it makes me want to say….”HOWDY!”)

He continued to push further in….slowly…checking to see if I was okay.  And I was.  I was really okay.  It was wonderful.  I wanted it deeper…and Maestro obliged.  Once fully engaged, he took out another trick from the bag…

The riding crop.

He taunted me with it…rubbing my back with the tip.  Gliding over my legs and circling my backside.  He walked around me, surveying his best angle and then he delivered the first blow on my upper right cheek.

Such a sweet combination…the sting of the crop caused me to flinch, enhancing the depth of the plug.  He continued to find targets all over my bottom and was quick in his work.  I found myself close the edge when introduced the crop’s cousin…

The flogger.

Maestro is a professional when it comes to flogging.  He knows the exact force to use, the best places to strike, and the perfect rhythm and I found myself over the edge with Minnie in tow, before I could say Chuck Norris.

Then he began to alternate the crop and flogger and things became very intense.  I could feel my back warming from the sensations and I wanted more.  Being the adept Master he is, Maestro obliged and brought me to oblivion with swift precision.  I ended up in subspace once again and found myself joyously laughing from the experience.

Once I was back from the clouds and onto the bed…Maestro had another implement pulled from the bag (the never ending bag…reminds of Mary Poppins’ carpetbag…what else could possibly be in there). This time I was not allowed to open my eyes and felt the sharp sting of something metal…

The Wartenberg Pinwheel…or as I now call it, the Wheel of Fortune.  He started on the bottom of my right foot and came all the way up the back of my leg, across my reddened bottom, up my back and back down the other side…when he arrived at my left cheek, I began to laugh uncontrollably.  The sensation was unlike anything I’d felt before and I LOVED IT!  I felt the sensation of pain from the sharp points on my ass, but the feeling was more like a relentless tickle.  Maestro loved hearing me laugh and he tortured me with the wheel and his nimble fingers until I could take no more and I ventured into subspace again.

For those of you at home, keeping score…yes, that was twice in one day.

At this point, I wanted nothing more than to pleasure him.  He had given me an afternoon of hedonistic delight and it was my turn.  I love when he watches me take him deep in my mouth.  I love hearing him moan.  I love it when he talks explicitly dirty to me.

And I love the prize I receive when I bring him over the edge.

After all of the fun, I collapsed in his embrace and we woke up just in the nick of time.  The babysitter was due back any minute with the kids and everything was a mess…the room…the bed…and especially me.  We gathered everything up in the room…straightened the bed and hopped in the shower in record time and were ready to greet the kids as they came in the door.

Sigh….

What a perfect “Subday” Sunday…