And So It Begins…

Today is the DAY! M is in route and in less than seven hours..he will be here. The kids are beyond excited and I have been “nesting” all week to get things ready for his arrival. (Special thanks to those who helped me get it all together, Lou and PBR, thanks ladies…your help and support made all the difference!)

Sometimes, there is a song that just fits the occasion, perfectly. Leave it to John Lennon to have the right words.

It’s time to spread our wing’s and fly,
Don’t let another day go by my love,
It’ll be just like starting over – starting over,

Save travels, M.  We are all ready for you to come home.

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At a Loss…

closer please

I am at a loss for words…

And yet I sit here, trying to share with you what I experienced this weekend.  Trying to figure out a way to put it out there in words that can be understood.

And even I don’t fully understand it.

Maestro arrived at 5:07 am on Saturday morning.  He decided to sleep for a while after work before making the drive to me, putting him here before daybreak.  Things were different from the beginning.  There was a different feel to his arrival.  It didn’t feel like he was coming for a visit.

It felt like he was coming home.

And after such a long and tedious drive through the night, he was ready for bed.  Or so I thought…

By 6:34 am, I’d had so many orgasms that I felt lightheaded.  Each one was more intense than the previous one.  The freshly laundered sheets were muddled in a matter of minutes and Maestro was intent on pushing further.

With his hand firmly grasping my throat, he growled, “I am not finished using you yet.”

And he carried on with his intent.  Pushing me.  Extracting ecstasy at every move.  I was almost in a state of bewilderment, almost at my limit, when he relented and allowed me respite…giving me the opportunity to please him…to worship him.

We got little sleep and the kids were up very early.  They were excited to see M.  They adore him. We spent the majority of the day playing with them…and the babysitter arrived.  We decided to grab an early dinner.  I could tell Maestro was thinking about something, I could sense it.  As we ate, he said, “I am coming here to stay.  No more traveling back and forth.  This is where I want to be.  I have a job offer and it’s time to make the change.”

I was shocked.  We had been talking about his relocation, with a projected time frame for the summer.  So this was sudden and I was beyond happy.  I need this man, this wonderful man, in my life daily…I need to be in his presence, daily.

So we sat there and planned.  And he will be here this weekend.  This is REALLY happening!

Looking back at the inception of this blog, of my journey at that time…I could have never dreamed that this would happen.  I never dreamed that I would ever find the happiness, as I have with him.  I never knew I could have the whole enchilada…have my cake and savor it too…

Think about it…I have been blessed with a man who loves and adores me.

And I love and adore him.

He loves my kids.

My kids love him.

He loves and accepts my family (my ailing father).

My family LOVES him.

He is able to fulfill my mind (not easy, I am an over-analytical, people pleaser)

He is able to lead and protect me.

He is able to take me to places I’ve never been.

He allows me to be my wickedly kinky self (as he is also wickedly kinky, even more than me).

And here we go…

My Master, as I am His…His slave.

He owns me, saying I am His most precious possession.

And we are about to embark on this crazy journey together as One.

So again, I am at a loss… a loss of what to say… a loss of the mess I was before.

Looking forward to who I have become.  Who I will become…

As we become One.

one day

 

Tests, Initials, and Labels

So the post I wrote on the alphabet had me thinking…there are really so many letters and labels out there in the BDSM community.  Think about it, the community itself is identified by it’s four letters

Bondage and Discipline/Domination and submission/Sadism and Masochism

Keeping this theme going, the main tenet to the lifestyle are these 3 letters:  S S and C

Safe, sane and consensual.

And preferably, DDD

Drug, disease and drama-free.

And for those who practice DD (domestic discipline), the lifestyle is often described as TTWD (this thing we do).

So many letters…

And with the recent BDSM test that circulated around here on WP, I found it interesting…

The categories that I fit into…

Of the M/s, I am the s (no surprise here)

Of the S & M, I am the M (truly no surprise either)

I enjoy the B.  I enjoy the D.  (not a shocker)

Along with that analysis…

And I am venturing into a 24/7 dynamic with my M, as we are embarking on a TPE relationship.

But we are currently in a LDR.

In addition to these initials, I am a SWF and have been told on some occasion that I also fit into the MILF category, which makes me chuckle.  I think that horny bag boy wanted to put more than groceries in my trunk.

So many initials.  So many labels.  But it doesn’t define who we are.  And if I may digress for a quick minute…on the Myers-Briggs personality test, I am an ENFP, for those who keep up with that stuff.

For those who follow astrology…I am a Sagittarius.

For those who follow the Chinese Zodiac, I am a rat, water rat to be precise.

Back to the BDSM labeling… let’s summarize by the letters only:

I am a SWF, who is a s to her M, that is the M in S & M, enjoying a little B & D as she ventures into a 24/7 TPE relationship, that is currently a LDR, until her M in FL is able to relocate to GA.

What the letters don’t say:

She is fierce, strong woman who openly and freely chooses to submit to her partner, who has evolved into her Master.  She has been plagued with significant trust issues for most of her life and enjoys being able to let go completely as his devoted slave, giving all control to her M.  In doing so, she enjoys that he pushes her limits through various scenarios…and she finds those involving a certain degree of pain and/or bondage, to be the most pleasurable.  She is eager for the day when she and her M are able to live freely in a total power exchange relationship, because for now there is 7 hours separating them.

But their day is coming.

masters feet

 

And they won’t define themselves by the letters, or the labels.  But rather they will define their devotion to each other by:

The unspoken.  The subliminal.

The mundane.  The profound.

The awe-inspiring.  The day-to-day.

The good.  The bad.

The everything.

Because that is what they are to each other…

ABC’s of BDSM/Kink

In celebration of Dr. Seuss’ birthday this month…let’s go on a little sojourn into the ABC’s of BDSM and kink, shall we?

A is for Anal.  Come on ladies, ass up.  It’s no longer just for birthdays, anniversaries and make-up sex.  I’ll Analyze it for you.  It is Amazing. So get off of yours and get some…

B is for Bondage.  Bound by ropes, cuffs or even words…there is no freedom like it. Hog-tied.  Tied to the bed.  Hands in front.  Hands behind.  Legs.  Ankles.  Hands tied to legs…to ankles…to the bed…I could go on…

C is for Control. The word itself stirs me…In my humble submissive opinion, it is best given away and Consensually coerced with the use of a strong Crop and well-positioned Clamps.

D is for Dominant.  Delicious.  Decisive.  Direct and Demonstrative.  All I can say, in Southern-speak is DAAYYUUMM. (Which is DAMN…for those of y’all who don’t speak the language)

E is for Exhibitionism.  Could you would you in a boat? Could you would you in my throat?  Could you would you in plain sight?  Could you would you when it’s bright?  It’s anytime.  Anywhere. Exposed.  Erotic.  Exciting.

F is for Fetish.  Fly your freak flag. All are welcome.  Flags of a feather Freak together, with Floggers and all.

G is for Good Girl.  These 2 words, when used together, dripping from the lips of my M, ignite a fire in my loins that burns like the flames of Hades. That’s HOT…Damn HOT.

H is for Hitachi Wand.  You know you’re in for a fun night when the lights flicker and dim as it is switched on. Now, that’s some powerful shit…Hello and HOWDY, Mr. Hitachi.

I is for Insatiable. To quote the late-great-Barry White…”My darling..I can’t get enough of your love baby”  (Sing it to yourself in his baritone and you’ll totally get it)

J is for Jesus.  Not trying to be funny here…but I guarantee I say His name about 100 times in the midst of a kinky weekend.  Just sayin’.  As God is my witness…

K is for Know thyself.  To set boundaries and establish limits, one must know who they are.  K is also for Kink.  And lots of it.  Go big or go home.

L is for Little.  It’s a wonderful place to be…sometimes stocked with glitter and rainbows…It can also stand for Love.  Lust.  Lustful.  Lusting after…

M is for Masochism.  The sheer pleasure from pain. Mouth-watering smacks on the ass that Melt. My Master is a master at this…More, please.

N is for Nipple clamps.  These implements demand upright attention.  And there is something so Naughty about having someone tug on your chain.  State of Nirvana guaranteed…

O is for OH MY GOD…Orgasms.  Preferably lots of them.  Sometimes they are denied, but when allowed…they are Overwhelming.  Oh..my.

P is for Paddle.  Ah, the precise Pain from the use of a Proper Paddle. It’s Penetrating.

Q is for Quiche.  In order to do all of this kinkery…one must eventually eat to keep one’s strength up.  On a side note..real men do eat quiche and they also eat pussy for that matter. So eat the fucking quiche already.  You already know what’s for dessert.

R is for Rope.  Japanese silk.  Jute.  Nylon.  Regardless of the material, it’s the technique that counts, Scout’s honor.

S is for Safe and Sane.  It’s the Sadists out there you have to watch out for, you know.  Sluts beware.

T is for Talk.  “I am your dirty whore from way back, Daddy.” I fucking love to Talk dirty during hot, carnal sex.  Although I don’t always get to say much when his cock is halfway down my Throat.

U is for Use Me.  Analogy:  What “good girl” is…when spoken to me…”Use me” is…when I say it.  It’s global warming, climate-changing dialogue that turns me into a dripping mess…as I anticipate the Unspeakable things awaiting me.

V is for Vibrators.  Be mindful of the friendly Vibrator packaged as a personal massager…it’s certain to Violate you in ways unfathomable…such Vigor.

W is for Wet. Here it is used in a sentence.  Whips and Wartenburg Wheels make me Wet. Weally…Weally…WET.

X is for, you guessed it…X-RATED.  Once again…my humble and submissive opinion.  Handle your business in the bedroom (or wherever it may be for the Exhibitionists) and act like you are making an XXX rated movie.  Crank it up a notch whether or not the camera’s rolling.  Or whether or not you know it’s there….

Y is for Yours.  It is about belonging to your One.  It should be said frequently.  It’s a powerful statement.  Practice with me, “I am YOURS.”  Say it loud.  Say it proud.  You know who You are.

Z is for Zen.  We, subbies out there refer to this as “subspace” which is a state achieved when you lose all conscious awareness and rely on the sublime feeling of pure ecstasy as you float in the moment.  It is heaven on earth.  ZEN….Namaste…hey…hey…hey

So I will close with this…

Down and dirty and downright flirty, this little post is meant to amuse those who use those

For their pleasure, with a feather or even paddled and likely straddled.

Some like it hot and some like it cold.  Some want them young.  And some want them old.

Some crave the pain while others like to restrain.  Some prefer the view from the top as they wield their crop to their unsuspecting bottoms’ bottoms…

Waiting to hear that first “POP”

But it’s all in good fun, for now I must run.  The wheel calls my name in decibels of pain.

Waiting for “good girl” to drip from his lips as I arch my back and hips and spread my thighs, I watch his eyes and I hear my sighs ring out into night’s sky…

I recite in my head as I approach the first O…

Oh The Places You’ll Go.  And Go.  And Go. And Go.

Oh the places

Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss…

 

 

The Devil Is in the Details

If I were to post an ad for a Master/Dominant in the proverbial want-ads of D/s, here’s how it would read:

Wanted (ahem…Needed): Strong, charismatic man…Dominant/Master-type, confident, self-assured, disciplined, who is able to assess needs, provide guidance and direction, administer correction/punishment to a very strong-willed, sometimes cheeky…submissive. Candidate must be “hands-on” and demonstrative. He must possess strong communication skills and be able to express himself well, “orally.”

This individual should be willing to invest in building a power-exchange partnership and he must be very  “detail-oriented”  Experience with floggers, crops, paddles and restraints is a plus. Must be willing to push limits. Interested applicants should apply within

And with that description, there is no need for an ad or an interview…Maestro would have the job…and he has the job…holding his position as my Master with a firm grip.

Now back to the story.

Saturday morning came early for us…not that either of us slept much.  But little one was awake at dawn…and her big brother was not far behind.  We got up, had breakfast, enjoyed some time with the kids, and it seemed we would go on with our day as we usually do…doing things around the house and just spending family time together.  Being Valentines Day, we made arrangements to secure the kids, and I thought we would venture out for lunch or something. But Maestro had a different agenda…

“Come back to bed”

I was relieved…good idea, I thought…maybe we can grab a quick nap before the kids come back from the sitters.  Wrong…

A nap was not in his plan.  And he was direct in his instruction.

“Take off your clothes and lie on your stomach, please”

I did as instructed.  He crawled in beside me and began to rub my back.  It was heavenly. He brushed the hair away from my face and kissed me for what seemed an eternity…then he looked in my sleepy eyes and said…

“I want you on all fours…ass up.”

Strong communication skills…a must for the position.  

I did as I was told.  And he began to explore every part of me from the inside out.  Not missing anything.  I was about to ask his permission when he shushed me and said…

“Today, we are going to do something different.  I want you to learn to express yourself without talking.  When you are about to orgasm, I want you to raise your arm.  Do you understand?”

Raise my arm? You mean like I did in middle school as the annoying, over-achieving teacher’s pet?

I kept my thoughts to myself and said, “Yes, Sir.  I understand.”

“Good girl.  Now lie on your side, with your back to me.”

He pulled me to him and pressed my body into his…wrapping his leg around mine, holding me open.  Reaching around my stomach he made quick work of my open posture.  I began to moan with each movement.

“Remember, the task is to raise your arm…now focus…and be quiet.”

I figured it out…he was conditioning me to learn how to quiet myself minimizing sound when kids are home.  Smart man.

Providing guidance and direction…and correction.  Maestro really does have the job!

So within minutes, I raised my arm…raised it again.  Again.  Again.  As always, he plays me like an orchestra.  And then I noticed a more serious look on his face.  I could tell things were about to shift into a more heated exchange.

Before I knew it, before I could prepare myself…Maestro took me to sub space. There is nothing like that feeling.  Nothing like that complete abandon.  I melted into his arms and he held me close, until I was back on the planet.

We just stayed there for a while intertwined and I thought…maybe we are going to take a quick nap.  Wrong again. Seems I will never learn.

“You did really well…but I know you need more.  On your stomach again.  Ass up”

Willing to push limits

All sleepiness that I’d felt immediately dissipated, as I could tell he was intent on having me again. I waited for the first touch as I heard him rambling about in our bag of tricks.  I felt a nervous twinge in my belly…excited to see what was in store next.

He saw me looking back at him and he quickly redirected me…”Eyes forward”

“Yes, Master.”  I looked forward, intently listening to see if I could discern his choice from the bag…but it was to no avail.

Soon I felt him slide something inside me…something small.  He pushed it in deeply and then I felt the sweet vibration.  He put our newest gadget…a remote control bullet inside his favorite place.  This new toy has 10 settings and let me just say…he tried them all, making note of those that drove me crazy.  Once he knew which settings I liked, he was relentless.  He pursued my orgasms like a predator stalking his prey.

I raised my arm more than a grade school crossing guard.  He called it his remote key-less entry.

And he knew exactly which settings to use and how to torment me…

Hands-on and Detail-oriented…He nailed it…he has a position in this company forever.  

I commented to the Maestro (when I could compose myself long enough to talk) that he certainly knows exactly how to drive me out of my mind…

His reply, “You know darlin’, the devil is in the details”

And to quote Charlie Daniels… “Hell’s broke loose in Georgia and the Devil deals it hard”

Yes he does…

The Force Is Strong With This One

I’ve been doing quite a bit of soul searching lately. Understanding this new place. This new relationship.

The new person I am becoming.

Looking back at some of my earlier posts, I can see just how much I have grown. How I have embraced my true submissive nature. How I have evolved.

It was a really crazy ride in the beginning.

I did some outrageous things.  (Going to an island to meet a pierced shrink)

I took some incredible risks. (Playing with sharp objects with a sadist)

And lucky for me, I not only came out of it unscathed (for the most part), I emerged from the depths of my search…a more enlightened person.
One post that I find particularly appropriate with the upcoming holiday is one that I wrote 5 months ago, to the day, how ironic!  It was titled “These Are Not the Droids You’re Looking For”

Specifically, this was on my mind:

And yet, I continue to look.

Why?  Why do I waste my time?  Why do I put myself through the turmoil?

Introspectively, I think it’s a bit of a distraction for me.  Fun and entertaining.

And it’s because I think the blend exists.  I would love to find the perfect man.

The one I can bring home to family for Christmas dinner…that later that evening, breaks off a limb from the Christmas tree and flogs me senseless.  Ties me up with Christmas ribbon.  Puts his new riding crop in my stocking. 

Now that’s the gift that keeps on giving…sigh

Back to the story.”

I do believe that I have found what I described in that post.  The blend.  And I am thankful that I was able to find it in the midst of all of my craziness.  (Makes me want to say, “Why yes, Virginia.  There is a Santa Claus.”)

I am sure some of my readers are still a bit skeptical.  Concerned that maybe my journey with Maestro is on “warp” speed ahead.  The old me would have been weary and skeptical, also.  Remember, I didn’t believe in love.  I certainly didn’t think I would ever find it, especially expressed in the way, I needed it.  But here I am…part of a “We” which is a wonderful place to be.  (Sounds like a Hallmark card or a Dr Seuss tale, doesn’t it?)

And it’s real.  It’s not a flighty thing…not infatuation.  It is deep respect and adoration.  Trust me when I tell you….I know the difference.  It’s being able to share anything.  Sharing everything.  Letting go of secrets I’ve kept hidden from everyone.  It’s acceptance.  It’s understanding.

And it’s intensely hot.  I crave Maestro and no one else on this planet (or in a galaxy far, far away) will ever do.  I need him.  Only him.

You’re right, Darth Vader

The Force is strong with this one.

 

Timing is Everything…

Despite the fact that Maestro had my hands tied, over my head, with clear instructions not to move them.

And the fact that he was having his way with me…

And that my body had been ravaged for hours on end for two days…

I found myself in a spiritual place, Sunday night.

We’d had a full day.  Visiting one of my favorite places, the House of Blues for lunch, touring about Downtown Disney, meeting his dad, going to a movie and having a great dinner together, followed by a ride through a posh neighborhood to see Christmas lights…closing out the evening with some much needed restraint and kink.  (And thank you L…the scarves you sent they made for great restraints!)

I was beyond satiated.  But at the same time, I was pensive.

Earlier in the day, as we arrived at the movie theater, I received a message from a new reader.  A reader, who is on a similar journey…searching for God in the midst of her exploration into D/s.  I found her message intriguing and convicting.  I mean, how many of us out there are really looking for God in D/s or a BDSM relationship? It seems a stretch to find the correlation.  But she and I were on a similar plane, as are a handful of fellow bloggers out there.  I have come to admire many of these ladies, deeply.

I felt convicted in my spirit because we were sitting down to watch, Exodus, the new Ridley Scott movie about the story of Moses.  I honestly didn’t care to see the movie.  Maestro showed me a trailer and I felt it would be a bit too violent for my taste.  But I could tell he wanted to see it and I submitted to his decision.

Submitted. To. Him.

And a few minutes into the movie, I understood why I was there…

From a spiritual place, I felt commonality between Moses and myself.  I have turned and run from God more times than I can count.  I have doubted God.  Doubted His very existence.  I have scoffed and scorned Him.  I have shrugged off signs.  I have ignored messages.  And even though I have done all of these things,  in many ways I have always sought Him.  Sought the comfort of knowing and believing.  Sought the feeling only faith can give a person.  I yearn to have faith…a deep faith.

So what does any of this have to do with anything, you ask?

Bear with me…I have a point.

I truly believe that things don’t happen by coincidence.  I feel there is a bigger picture.  A higher calling in most things.

Of all movies for us to watch, it was that one.

Of all times to receive the message, it was then, at that moment.

Of all of the people I could be sitting with, it is my Maestro.

And it dawned on me that this is bigger than I understand.  The message in the email.  The message in the movie.  The absolute love and affection I get from Maestro.  This is all part of a bigger thing.

The message I received in all of that is I am right where I am supposed to be.

I am with who I am supposed to be with.

And it is my responsibility to understand this.  Embrace this new version of me.

Submitting  to Maestro.

Submitting to the Almighty.

I find that I am ready.  Finally ready.

It’s clear now.

Timing really is everything…