Come to Me…

Bond007

“Come to me….”

Those were his words to me….

I am pleasantly surprised that Mr. Bond and I have an impromptu rendezvous this afternoon. Being the conscientious, over-achiever I am, I asked how to prepare for the encounter.
It has been my experience that Doms usually have a list of instructions.

Not this time.

He responded simply and exactly in this order….

“Come to me..”

“Give yourself to me….”

“I want all of you.”

“I will take all of you”

Sigh…

He really knows how to talk to girl.

And as an added bonus, we will be joined by a new friend. She is very eager to become a Bond girl. I am eager to for us to join forces to fulfill Bond’s mission.

Details to come…

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Love Me Tender…(Bond part 3)

Monday’s here.  It was an amazing weekend.

Friday was a journey that began with sticking my toe in the pool and ended with cliff-diving into the unknown waters of submission.

Saturday was about ritual.  It was preparing an altar, myself as the offering.  Giving all.  Pure submission.

Sunday was a reflection of freedom and acceptance.  My own acceptance of the person I am.  The freedom of knowing who I am.

Let’s connect the dots on a bigger scale…

As I take this journey into submission and enlightenment, I find a recurring theme.

We all want to connect.

We all want to trust.

It is fundamental in the lifestyle.  We connect with those who are likeminded.  We seek those who share or complement our interests, our “kinks”.  We want to share with others like ourselves.

And each aspect of the lifestyle revolves around trust.  Ironically similar in the vanilla world.  The difference is we take a much more literal approach in the BDSM existence.  We literally demonstrate trust in the roles we play.

Safe.  Sane. Consensual.

I learned so much in the 6 hours I spent with Mr. Bond.  He is patient and understanding.  He understands how to get his sub to freely submit without intimidation.  He gets the vulnerability.

I found a smidge of vulnerability in him.  During one of our breaks he reflected on the name I chose for him.

“Why do you call me James Bond?”

“Because you are so dashing, Sir.  So in control.  You have the persona”

“Have you read the books, or just watched the movies?”

I had to think about this one.  I recalled reading an early book.

“So you think of me in that way?”

That way?  “What do you mean?”

Sir went on to explain that James Bond’s character was based on a real person who was ruthless in his quest to complete his mission, often killing those who stood in his way.  Far more intense than the character in the movies (especially during the Roger Moore years, I might add).

“He was a ruthless killer.  Is that how you perceive me?”

Interesting.  He wonders how I see him.  Me, the submissive, how I view him….as the consummate Dominant.

“No, Sir.  I see you as the one who truly has it together, is self-assured, self-sufficient and not afraid to push limits.”

There is so much to the D/s dynamic.  So much more than the “rules” of play, or the roles themselves, I am finding that it is also about mutual respect.  It’s about mutual trust.

When our session became acutely intense and I begged Mr. Bond to stop (intentionally not using my safe word) he would say, “Take it for me, little girl.  Say it.  Say, ‘I take it for you, Sir.'”

Sometimes I couldn’t even verbalize the words.  I didn’t feel that I had enough breath in my body left to say anything.

But I would pull myself together and do it.  I would look him in the eye and say, “I take it for you, Sir.”

And after that exchange, I always felt empowered, knowing that Bond had helped me through a limit.  And that I was okay.  I was better because of it.

Applying that to the vanilla world, wouldn’t it be nice to have someone there to help you overcome your fears?  Help you venture out of your comfort zone?

I think those of us in the lifestyle are on to something.

Unfortunately those not in the lifestyle will never understand it.

I must admit…I am a “hot mess” today.  Recovering both physically and mentally from the pure intensity of the weekend.

I am bruised on my arms, neck and chest.  I have actual bite marks all over the back of my neck, my shoulders, my feet and toes.  And I am not sure, but I think Bond may have left his initial on my backside…ever so slightly with his knife.  So hot…

But I do love the reminders.  They represent the limits we surpassed.  Maybe next time Bond will see fit to find some more discreet places to brand me :).  (It is summer.  We live in the South.  No sleeveless or ponytails for me for at least a week)

So Bond, I leave you with this…

If we play together again (and I sincerely hope we do)

Love me Tender, Sir.

I know you already know the words.

Getting to the Point (Bond-part 2)

 

Disclaimer: Like the one before, this post may be too intense for some readers, especially those who do not subscribe to the lifestyle. Use caution before reading.

Now on with it….

Bond and I were about to explore limits with knife play. Here’s where we left off:

“Are you ready to test your limits, little girl?”

Am I ready?  Really ready?

Please note, readers:  Rational thinking should really kick-in at this point. The sound of the little voice that says, “this is crazy…get out before it’s too late” should be deafening.

Instead in my own voice, I confidently said, “Yes, Sir”

I had my back turned towards Bond.  He wrapped his arms around me from behind in a very affectionate embrace.  He slowly ran the point of the knife up my left thigh, applying some pressure, but not breaking the skin.  He traced a line on both of my legs and up stomach, up further and further.  He circled my breasts and traced my spine.  It was not painful, but I could feel the point of the imposing knife.

Which brings me to my point.

In this session of play, it was not about pain, but rather the intensity.  It was the taboo of playing with sharp and dangerous objects.  The fear of being cut.  And most of all, it was about trusting Bond.  I realized at this “point” that what I crave along with fear is the ability to trust.

Enlightenment.  (I should really be able to get this type of thing (fear/trust) from a company-paid ropes course, but this is far more fun)

We carried on with our evening.  Bond was a very experienced Dom.  I initially thought of him as a pain Dom, a sadist, a cruel bastard.  I realized as we went further, that he was more of a blend.  He craved my response.  That was his drug.  He was part sensual Dom.

Once again, Enlightenment.

Mr. Bond continued to test my limits and delivered pleasure beyond anything I’d ever experienced before.  And although I ventured into the session with a distaste for bondage, Bond helped me understand it’s purpose.  Sometimes the intensity and release would become too much.  It was too good to experience.  It was beyond my threshold.  Had I not been restrained, I would have tried to escape.  I would not have allowed myself to go that far.  To be that consumed with pleasure.

Bond took me there.  Somewhere….where no one has gone before.

There’s really not much you can do to resist, when your legs are tied.  Your wrists are cuffed and tied behind your back.  It is a feeling of helplessness.  You must be able to fully and completely trust your Dom.  That’s the mental part of submission.  It is born out of the restraint.

In between play time, we talked at length about different things.  Our vanilla lives.  Our dark desires.  Our struggles to blend the two worlds.  (He was adept at the blend, it’s me who struggles)

Mr. Bond explained to me that I had a strong personality. Trust me, I’ve heard this before.  He went on to say that because of my dominance in my vanilla life that I try “topping from the bottom”.  This means I try to “control” the situation from my submissive role.  And if I truly wanted to submit, I had to let go of all control.

Which is precisely what I did.  We carried on for hours.  Testing limits.  Giving and receiving pleasure.  Talking.  Playing.  And being intimate and close, the scariest part for me.  But I took Bond’s instruction and let go.  I deliberately gave away control.

I gave it all to him.  As an offering.

To be continued….sog - Copy

 

Offering

blindfolded

So much to do.  I have waited for this day.

I’ve waited so much longer than a week.  So much longer than I’ve even known this man I call, Mr. Bond.

Today I prepare myself for something life-changing.

Today, I cross the threshold.

A locked door will finally be opened.

There is no going back.

The anticipation is thick and dense.

Its sweet aroma is intoxicating.

I drape myself on this altar of longing,

As it is me….

I am the offering.

I offer myself to Him, to consume me.

Submitting freely to the experience.

Mr. Bond, Sir, I am quite ready for you…

I willingly sacrifice myself

Because Bond, You Only Live Twice

Stirred…But Not Shaken, Mr. Bond

I am an addict.

Yes, an addict.

My drug is not tangible. It’s not the obvious.

It is NOT what you’re assuming….

It is not sex. That just happens to be a by-product of the rush.

Fear is my drug.

Fear of the unknown. The sheer anticipation of what’s to come.

It’s an adrenaline high that rivals no other.

The other thrill-seekers out there are thinking, you could get the same rush from doing so many other things.

I can’t say that I would get the same rush from bungee jumping, or sky diving. By comparison, those are tame…there are many controlled factors: a parachute, bungee cord, professionals to guide you through, etc. The variables are the “what-if’s” that exist to thrill.

What if the parachute doesn’t open? What if the cord breaks?  The outcome will likely be the same.

When it comes to my search for a Dominant, everything is a variable. There are no controlled factors.

You cannot control a man’s intent.

You cannot control the depths of a man’s dark desire.

And you cannot control a man’s actions, especially a Dominant man. Particularly a sadist (we’ll come back to this)

You can only adapt and control your response.

That’s the thrill for me, in this journey as the perfect submissive.

Being face-to-face with the unknown.

The penetrating eye contact.

Only being to anticipate next steps from their cues/directives.

And knowing that I have willingly put myself in the situation to submit to them.

I had resolved in my head, to back away from Mr. Bond. He was so experienced in the lifestyle. So aware of his own desires and how I could fulfill them, that I found myself fearful. It was scary on a level that shook this fear-addict.

But then curiosity got the best of me. He is so fascinating. So real. So confident.

I decided I should at least meet him once to assess how I felt in his presence.

But I already know how I feel in his presence…vulnerable.

I needed to test my limits.

We agreed to meet next Saturday evening.  He selected a hotel.

I was given specific instructions of how to prepare and what to wear.

At the specified time, I am to be waiting for him at the bar.

I am to wear a dress.

With black heels.

My hair is to be down and wild (not hard here in the South…humidity dictates wild)

My lips and toes will be red.

I am not allowed to wear underwear.

He will approach me at the bar. I am to wait for his signal.

I’ve already played the entire scene out in my head. He will walk in, such the handsome devil and observe me from afar, carefully assessing whether or not I followed his instructions.

He will then approach me from behind. Whispering something in my ear that only an experienced Dom would say, while grinning, sadistically.

From there, he will taunt me with innuendo and possibly coerce me into doing risqué things in public. After all, there is a reason we are meeting in a bar. In a public place. He has a plan.

There is always a method to this sadist’s madness.

I am giddy with excitement. I know that I will experience things I’ve never tried before.

I know that he will test my limits.

He will help me push my limits.  I have given him permission.

He’s in my head.

And as scary as all of this is, I know that he will keep me safe. That is the number one role of any Dom, to keep their submissive safe.

My soul is stirred….but my core is not shaken, Mr. Bond.

Next weekend cannot get here fast enough for this eager Bond girl.

The Sadist Who Loved Me…

He was the closest thing to James Bond that I had met in my 40 years on this earth. 

He was handsome.  Dear GOD, was he handsome….and charming.  And successful.  And charismatic.  And normal

And he was a sadist.  Yes, you read it correctly…SADIST.

So you ask, “how does a nice girl like you end up with a sadist, like him?”  Easy.  I went searching for enlightenment. 

I tend to be of the mindset that there are no coincidences in the world.  That everything happens for a purpose.  Sometimes we don’t know the purpose, but we accept and understand that there is a reason behind it all. 

He was a sadist.  He was here to test my limits. 

As referenced in an earlier post, I was exposed to this lifestyle at a young age and it simply is a part of who I am.  Learning the ways of the submissive has actually made me resilient and strong. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not a sign of weakness.  Being a submissive is a matter of choice.  It is a way to show your strength by letting go of the controls. 

Mr. Bond was ready to take the controls.  Ready to take complete control. 

In the days leading up to our first encounter, my new mentor challenged to me to learn to express my desires, which is actually a scary thing to do…digging deep within your darkest places and sharing those thoughts with someone. 

He was relentless in his persistence (a foreboding of things to come, I am sure) and I caved in.  We communicated via IM.  So I had to literally spell it out.  How unnerving.  Here’s how the conversation went:

Bond:  Are you ready to tell me you darkest desires?

Me:  Yes, Sir

Bond:  Let it out

Me:  Trying Sir.  Difficult to put into words

Bond:  TRY HARDER

Me:  Here goes…BTW what’s your experience with knives?

Bond:  A favored tool of the trade

Me:  I am tied to the bed…all four corners

Bond:  Face up or face down? 

Me:  Face up.  You are hovering over me, plotting your next move.  You stroke my face tenderly.  Then you grin.  It’s a sadistic grin and I can tell something is about to happen. 

Bond:  What do I do to you?  Tell me

Me:  You thrust yourself inside me.  Taking me completely

Bond: And?

Me:  You won’t allow me to finish.  You say, “You’re not allowed to cum, young lady.  If you do, there will be consequences”  But it’s beyond that.  I can’t turn back

Bond:  So you disobey your Master?

Me:  Yes

Bond:  There will be consequences.  You know I am a sadist.

Me:  Yes, I know.  You untie me long enough to turn me over onto my stomach, before binding me again.  I am totally exposed to you.  You walk into the other room and come back in with your box of toys.  Let’s call it Pandora’s Box.

Bond:  Like the name.  This is good…go on

Me:  I can hear the sound of metal in the box.  I find it quite alarming, as I can’t imagine what you would have that’s metal. 

Bond:  You have NO idea what’s really in my box

Me:  You take something out.  I can’t see it, as I am face down.  You come back the bed and straddle me.  You begin massaging my shoulders gently moving down my back.  I am enjoying it, but still wondering what’s in store for me

Bond:  Smart girl to wonder…

Me:  You reach behind you and retrieve what you took out of the box.  I feel it.  It’s cold and metal.  You say, “I am holding a knife in my hand, little girl.  You know I am not going to injure you, but I am going to punish you for your disobedience”

Bond:  You know me well.  Carry on, I am taking notes

Me:  I am terrified.  I have never pushed these type of limits before. My heart is racing.  You slowly and carefully stroke the knife down my spine…careful to not apply too much pressure. 

Bond:  Get to it…

Me:  You come to my backside and swirl the point all around.  You instruct me, “You must lie completely still no matter what.  Do you understand me?”  I whisper, “yes”.  You then pinch some skin from my bottom holding it between your thumb and forefinger and you slowly puncture it with the tip of the knife.  Ahhh, the release…

Bond:  Do you like it?

Me:  I do.  It is painful, but I am learning to experience pleasure with pain under your instruction.

Bond:  Good girl.  On with it. 

Me:  You do it again.  “Do you know why I am torturing you, little girl?  Because you didn’t obey your Master.  You must learn to do what I say, when I say it.”  You do it again.  And again.

Bond:  You know me well, already

Me:  You turn my face where I can see yours. And stroking my face you grin again.  I am beginning to understand the grin.  It’s a harbinger of things to come.  You take me again.  It is all consuming.  I find myself over the edge quickly, but this time, you allow it. 

Bond:  Well done.  You expressed some dark desires.  Now was that so bad?

Me:  No, Sir.  It was actually liberating

Bond:  Good girl.  I will bring my knives on Friday

Me:  Sir, we need to work up to that.  This was merely a scene in my head.  I hope that you will be easy with me the first time

Bond:  Of course I will

Bond:  Grinning

Bond:  Sadistically

To be continued: FRIDAY