So a few of you reading my prose asked about the correlation between my torrid tales and the tagline: “how my journey as a submissive lead me closer to God”
God, you say?
I know what you are thinking….
How does He fit in, in the BDSM scene?
I will begin by telling you the story of “Sir”
Boredom is a dangerous thing for me as I have an overly active mind. After registering on Fetlife, the fetish website, (that’s a story for an entirely different post) I decided to try an alternative dating site. I knew I did not want to do the ones that promise marriage. No Match.com, no Our time, and DEFINITELY NO E-HARMONY, that almost guarantees marriage. Honestly, that is the LAST thing I want! So I found Ok Cupid. The site was well put together and easy to navigate. The questions were a bit odd and intrusive, but I liked it. I decided to “shake things up” a bit. So I created a very racy profile.
SIDE NOTE: You know, as I did this I had a visual image of myself sticking one toe in the pool…is the water too cold? Too warm?
Or just right?
Less than 24 hours later….
I had over 80 messages. WHAT???? It was a good picture, yes. But the way I wrote the profile was the real clincher. Perusing the messages, a handful stood out. One of which was a 42 year old gentleman from a neighboring state. Not too close, but not too far. I found him interesting.
I engaged him in an email exchange. He definitely had a tone to his messages, a very dominant tone. I was intrigued. We talked for hours upon hours. He was an amazing listener and really seemed to understand the dynamic I sought. He called me, “young lady” and I was instructed to refer to him as, “Sir”
One Thursday night, he asked, “What’s your work schedule tomorrow?”
“I am working from my home office”
Sir: “Great, I am coming to see you.”
Panic set in…(do you recall my track record with Friday encounters?) We agreed upon a meeting place and it was set for 11:00 the next morning. YIKES….
We met in the parking lot of a local restaurant. We were coming back to my place, but I thought it best that I pick him up and bring him to my house. No exchange of addresses.
That moment when we saw each other across the parking lot was intense. We just stared at each other, for what seemed like several minutes. He walked over to the car.
In his bossy tone, “I am getting my bag out of my car. You get out and sit in the passenger seat. I’ll be right back. I am driving your car.”
Dominant in every way, he drove aggressively to the house. We barely spoke a word. When I walked around the car to go through the garage, he grabbed me and practically laid me out ON THE CAR, kissing me.
We then moved to the kitchen…clothes began coming off. He pinned me to the stove and just as we were moving to the bed and things were about to go to the next level, God walked in.
Twelve days early, I started my period….WHAT??
I recognized it for what it was…a divine intervention. I thought this quietly to myself.
But instead of packing up the party, we just laid there. Naked. Exposed.
He said, “You know this was no accident, don’t you?”
“What was no accident?”
“That we met. Made these plans which did not come to fruition”
I felt a flurry in my stomach…how did he know?
“Explain what you mean,” I said. Curious to hear his take on things.
“Think about it. We both jumped into the pool without knowing much of anything. (interesting analogy…remember my words above about sticking a toe in the pool) I could have been a serial killer. You could have been a psycho. But we’re not. We’re here for a purpose”
I laughed and said, “Well, sorry to spoil that purpose…Mother Nature”
We talked and talked. Honestly, I don’t do well with that level of exposure and vulnerability. He asked me if I ever thought I’d marry again.
“Me? Marry again?” I asked. “Never again. I obviously don’t do well with marriage.”
He said, “That’s not your choice, young lady.”
I said, “Umm. Yes it is, SIr.”
“It’s God’s choice. He has a plan for you. You haven’t married the right person, but he exists for you. But you have to surrender fully to God’s plan to receive it.”
WHAT??? We are lying there naked and he has brought God to the scene? I was irritated and CONVICTED at the same time.
“What if I just don’t allow myself to find the right person. What if I choose to live my life, raise my kids, work my job and go it alone?”
“Young lady, you are never alone. The sooner you realize that, the better your life will be.”
It hit me like a punch in the gut. I knew he was right. God had been communicating to me in many different ways. I had ignored the messages.
In my bed…
Lying naked…was a man, a sinner like me, that delivered words that I chose to hear.
We continued to talk for hours. I received every word because in this moment, for once, I had clarity.
Time to leave.
This time I drove. And once again, we were quiet in the car. Both of us reconciling the afternoon in our heads. In our spirits.
I really didn’t expect to hear from him again. I felt as though the message had been delivered, the purpose fulfilled and our paths realigned.
But it wasn’t over. It isn’t over. Things have shifted. Sir now acts as my Dom in a much different way. Each morning, I am given a scripture reading and/or instructions. And I submit. I follow the instructions. I read the scripture. I feel God’s presence in my life, through this man I call, Sir.
Am I perfect? NO
Do I still sin? YES
Am I still searching for the Dom/sub dynamic? YES
But am I a better person because of Sir? YES
So I write this post, “To Sir, With Love” as he continues to show me the love and protection I seek from my journey as a submissive. He acts as a voice to my conscience.
Thank you, Sir. I hope you understand what a difference you are making in my life and on this journey.