Maestro and I took a little sojourn yesterday. White water rafting through some tumultuous “rapids”. It was another of our spontaneous trips. No planning or notice. No time to pack. No need for anything.
We never even left the bed.
As M entered my raft, it was obvious that he was to be my guide for the evening. He was adept at navigating the rough waters ahead. He was in total control. He led me into the river, maneuvering towards the first set of rapids. The wetness was all around and I could tell the waves were increasing in intensity. I decided to assist my guide by grabbing his oar and paddling toward the first part of our expedition. He was appreciative of my attention to detail, showing me how best to steer.
The waves lapped over the raft again and again. The intensity continued to build and his skilled maneuvers took me straight into another set of rapids. These were even more intense and I found myself soaked. The rush was incredible and he could see that I was ready for more. He navigated the raft with sharp expertise, changing direction to yet another set of rapids. These were so fierce…so consuming that we both ended up drenched.
We never capsized. M kept the raft afloat and each set of rapids proved more powerful than the ones before. I was eager to go farther each time. I wanted more, and the way he maneuvered the raft in perfect direction, gave me the ride of my life.
At the end of our lengthy expedition I was parched and only he could quench my thirst. After drinking my fill, he guided me out of the river and we basked on the shore…both of us spent and energized at the same time. Quietly lying there, recollecting the journey we had taken.
As I adjusted my pillow and rolled over to spoon into his form, I smiled to myself.
Wonder where our next trip will be?
Yes! Finally! Spring has arrived in my town. The kids are back in school. The Masters’ patrons have all returned home and the thick yellow pollen has began to subside. The weather is warm and the feel in the house is warmer from the temperature outside and also because M is here permanently. We are blending into a very happy and contented family.
I realized today, that it’s time to open the windows.
Not literally, but as we progress…as our bond deepens, I am beginning to understand that it’s time for me to fully reveal myself. Not that I have been holding back, but there are things I need to release…M already knows this, but I recently had one of my epiphanies that enlightened me.
I enjoy the dense anticipation leading up to a well-orchestrated scene. I love the planning. I love the preparation. I love how I envision the scenario. I love the rush of it all. And equally, I love Maestro’s spontaneity. When I least expect it. When I am not prepared, he brings an afternoon filled with carnal pleasure that makes me a blubbering mess.
So I will get a little personal here, but I am one of those lucky gals who is able to orgasm easily and frequently. I find that each time I go there, I lose myself in the moment and shift into a state of hedonistic debauchery. Maestro knows every inch of my body and how to make me writhe and shake with delight in a mere matter of minutes. Today, he took me to a place I’d never ventured before. It was like subspace, but far more primal. I found myself glazed over, breathing like a wild animal, staring deeply into his eyes. I was so overcome by the beast within me, that I was no longer my civilized self. And at that moment, in it’s intensity, I began to weep.
With Maestro, I find that I do cry from our more consuming exchanges together. It usually happens after I venture into subspace, and it’s a beautiful release.
Today was different.
Today, the tears felt more intentional. They were a layer I was shedding, like an animal sheds its winter coat in the warmth of spring. It was a place of pure vulnerability. I felt it. He felt it. And when I tried to retreat and nuzzle into his chest, he held my face and said, “No. Don’t hide. Look at me.”
I tried to look away, but he held my face with a tender firmness that demanded my attention. So we stared into each others eyes. The human and the wild animal, sharing an unspoken trust. Sharing a new level of our life together. And the tears…they fell…one by one…neither of us trying to wipe them away. Both of us so focused on each other that it was a moment that I will never forget. The feeling, like a hunter capturing his prey. His prey could have tried to escape, but chose to stay…in the moment. Chose to let him have her.
I realized once the beast within retreated and I fell back into my civilized self, that I had just opened my windows. My soul was aching to come out. I knew that in that moment, I felt and revealed a part of my soul that had been hibernating for far too long. The winter of my life is officially over. Spring is here.
And my windows are open.
I was gathering the containers of leftovers to make us a snack when I heard…
“Place your hands on the counter, like this” He pointed to two specific places on the kitchen counter.
I followed his instruction without hesitation, as there was a tone to his voice. I placed my hands exactly where he told me.
“Good. That’s right. Now, don’t move them.”
The light of the open refrigerator illuminated the kitchen. I could feel the warmth of him standing close behind me, contemplating his next move. I could also feel the chill from the fridge on my right side.
“Bend for me and open your legs. Remember…you must keep your hands on the counter as I instructed you.”
I arched my back and opened my legs, as he told me to. Through my pajamas, i could feel his hand caress the insides of my open thighs, moving to the small of my back, across my backside. He pulled my bottoms down and probed for the place he sought.
Having to keep my hands on the counter began to pose a challenge for me. Keeping my composure became a challenge for me also, as the little ones were asleep.
He found what he sought and began his relentless pursuit of my climax. I was overcome with pleasure and desperately tried to stay quiet, while keeping my hands in position. I felt my legs shaking and it was all I could do to hold this position.
He pressed himself closer to my body and with his free hand, he covered my mouth. This simple gesture sent me into a state of oblivion. The control…the dominance…the fact that his hand could strategically muffle my increasingly loud moans and screams…all of this instantly caused me to have one of the most prolific orgasms of my existence. Right there…in the kitchen.
And yes, the refrigerator was still open.
And no, I didn’t manage to hold the position with my hands on the counter. Lucky for me, he didn’t object at that point. We forgot about the leftovers and made our way to the bedroom.
I was putty in his hands at this point and with one hand on my throat and the other placed between my legs, he ravaged me again. And again. And again.
I regained my composure when he whispered, “Did you like that? Ahhhh….I know you did. You were a very good girl. Now, I want you to please me. Take me deep in your mouth and give your Master what he wants.”
The sound of his voice in my ear almost took me to oblivion again. I eagerly began my service of worship. His body was my temple and I showed my true and utmost devotion to him as I explored my shrine, consuming his warm nectar.
We eventually collapsed into each others arms and woke at first light. I slept so peacefully knowing he was there next to me. Knowing that I belong to him. Knowing that I am loved, protected and led by such a perfect man. The One I searched for. The One I waited for.
The One I prayed for.
I am forever grateful for this gift I have been given. Thanksgiving was a different holiday for me this year. It was more meaningful. More authentic. (And a bit more kinky…)
I have a feeling that everything will be different from now on.
Now that I have my Maestro.
You make me feel so divine
Your soul and mine are entwined
Before you I was blind
I’ll let you in on a little secret…
Ed McMahon is not dead. At least for me, he’s not.
I feel like I just won for life.
Not an over-sized check. No obnoxious bouquet of balloons.
Instead, I hit the proverbial jackpot of love.
Me, the cynic…the non-believer…
The one who refuses to let anyone in, has truly found the One…and this girl is ALL IN.
My Maestro arrived late Tuesday night and I have barely had time to come up for air since then.
He left from work and drove seven hours to get here a day early..
After putting in significant overtime to have the time off…
Driving the entire stretch, in the rain…
When I saw the headlights pull into my driveway, I was so beyond excited that I almost ran outside in the cold rain, barefoot in my pajamas…but instead, I waited for him on the porch.
I felt like a girl on Christmas morning who has just spotted her presents under the tree.
There we were. Together. Finally.
I felt alive in his presence.
We sat together and just looked at each other for the longest time. I studied his face. Looked into his eyes and committed to memory any of the things I’d missed before.
I forgot how perfect his kiss is. How he knows exactly how I like to be kissed.
He also knows each and every button on my body, and how to switch them on.
And I love giving him control.
He stroked my cheek and pulled me close, whispering in my ear, “Do you know what I want?”
Ahhhh….how he whispers….
“What do you want, my Maestro?” I asked
He whispered again, “I want you to remove your pajamas and assume your position.”
I knew what he wanted. I placed myself across his lap as if it were an altar.
Within minutes, he brought me over the edge…over the mountain…off the cliff and into the pools of sweet surrender. The passion we share is unlike anything I’ve experienced before.
What is so different, you ask?
It’s me. I am different. I am able to experience things I’ve never experienced before because for once in my life I can be myself. I can be my broken…flawed…sometimes neurotic…erotic…kinky…submissive self. I am free to be who I am. No facades. No masks. No changing my colors to blend in.
With Maestro, I can be ME. Which leads me to a complex, yet simply epiphany. I have never been myself in relationships. I have always been some version of me, but never gave anyone access to the real me.
This is true submission on an intensely deep level.
When we moved to the bedroom, we spooned. I love that. It’s a feeling of closeness that I have missed out in my life, never wanting to let anyone in.
He began to stroke my hair…my arm…my leg…my sweet spot. As he massaged the spot, he whispered in my ear. There was a primal tone in his voice, although he kept the volume at whisper level.
“Do you remember the text I sent you? The one you read while at the store?”
“Yes” I replied.
“Good, I am glad. Do you recall the phrase ‘tame and pale in comparison?”
“Of course I do, i read it over and over.”
He already had me under his spell, but he somehow raised the bar…increasing his dominion over me. His hand was around my throat. His body was firmly pressed against my back. He pulled me even closer.
“Do you know who you are?” he growled in his whisper to me.
I wondered if this was a rhetorical question, or if I was expected to answer. Before I could gather my thoughts, he spoke again.
“Who are you? Do you know who you are?”
I replied this time…
“Yes, I’m yours.”
His hand shifted from my throat to my hair. Pulling it tautly.
He leaned into my ear, breathy and deep and said…
“You are mine.”
And again he growled, “YES…..Mine”
(To be continued)
I am in deep.
Can’t touch the bottom.
The water feels great, but I have moments of panic and anxiety.
What if I can’t swim all the way to shore?
Intermittently, I float. Feeling the weightlessness of letting go of myself.
But still, the thought of being in waters so deep, scares me.
I begin to swim towards shore and realize just how far it is.
I think I can make it back there.
But yet, I don’t want to get out of the water.
And I realize it’s not the water that scares me…
The only thing I am afraid of is myself.
I don’t know who I am any longer.
I haven’t really changed on the outside. I am still in control of my day-to-day. Still the strong, confident woman at work. Still the mom who juggles it all. Still the caregiver to my parents.
But this other side of me…my submissive self. I find that I am in unchartered waters.
Prior to Maestro, I have only swam laps in the pool of submission. Meaning, my only real experience is with scenes and play dates.
Now I am in a large, beautiful lake of D/s…
No defined place to swim laps.
No defined shallow-end.
No warnings for the deep-end.
Undefined edges at the shore.
And I find myself swimming towards the middle of the lake.
Heading towards a 24/7 dynamic.
I worry that I am not that good of a swimmer.
Do I have the endurance?
And then He quiets my mind and my worries.
He knows my struggle to stay afloat in these deep waters.
He acts as my raft. My safety.
But I still struggle. Splashing and kicking. Keeping a watchful eye on the shore.
When I should just let go
Letting the days go by
Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by
Water flowing underground
Into the blue again
After the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime
Water flowing underground
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?…Am I wrong?
And you may say to yourself yourself
My God!…What have I done?!
This says it all.
Some of you who follow my blog know that I have a song in my head for every person and every occasion.
Sometimes, I hear the song, without the person
Sometimes, I hear the song, without the occasion.
Here’s what’s playing my head today:
Mephistopheles is not your name
I know what you’re up to, just the same
I will listen hard to your tuition
You will see it come to its fruition
And I’ll be wrapped around your finger
I’ll be wrapped around your finger
Devil and the deep blue sea behind me
Vanish in the air you’ll never find me
I will turn your face to alabaster
When you find your servant is your master
You’ll be wrapped around my finger
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