The Seeker

The Urban dictionary defines a seeker as:

Someone who has become enlightened in the ways of the universe by accepting they know nothing about it.

In this post The Natural has morphed into…

The Seeker…

His instructions:

You are to do exactly as you did before.  Same perfume.  Same safeword.  Same caution words.

Arrive at 9:30 at the same location, and this time I would like you to be the meticulous librarian.

Bring your riding crop and favorite toys.


I just love His instructions.

I absolutely love role play.

I arrived early…yes, you read that correctly.


With hair pulled up, suit jacket on and librarian glasses, I knocked on His door.

He answered and ushered me in.

He slowly circled me…surveying me up and down.

I could tell He liked this look.

“Did you bring what I asked you to bring?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good, place them over there.  Now lie on the bed.  I would like for your head to be slightly off the edge of the bed.”

I quickly complied with His orders.

Again, He paced around me.  Staring me in the eyes, behind my glasses.

“Do you know what librarians are good at doing?”

He paused waiting for my response.

Being cheeky, I answered, “Keeping quiet….Shhhhhh”

“No….they are great at research.  Today, you are the subject of our research.  We will find out what makes you tick, little girl.”

Never had I been so aroused by the thought of research.

Where was He when I was in college?  

“Your focus is to let go.  And for us to figure out how to best accomplish that.”

And with that statement, He stood over me.  Looking into my eyes, He knelt to my ear and whispered,

“Do you trust me, little girl?”

Without hesitation, “I do trust you, Sir.  Completely”

And as I uttered the last syllable of the word, He placed His hands on my neck and we began a beautiful journey to abandon.

There is such sweet release in letting go of control.  Letting go of fear.  And trusting…


He has an innate sense of what I need.  He anticipates my growth in each scene.

His goal is to give me pure release.

And He realizes to do this, He must allow me to be my submissive self.  I need to serve Him.

Being The Seeker, He knows I need to push limits.

He exudes such control.

He so cleverly incorporates my desire to explore breath control with my desire to pleasure Him.

I shy away from being explicit in my writing, but readers bear with me, I must put it out there to illustrate the point.

He enters my mouth and slowly pushes himself deeply inside to my throat.  He continues to edge farther in…as far as I can possibly take.

At this point, He holds and caresses the back of my head.

Instructing me to hold the position, He counts…

He consumes every single millimeter of space and I am unable to breathe during this time.  It truly pushes me.

I recall the calm in His voice.

I remember hearing, “Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty. thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four…”

I finally relent and come up for air.

He takes my face in His strong, gentle hands.  Wiping the tears from my face, as that level of depth causes my eyes to water.

Smiling, He looks at me and says,

“What a good girl.  That is amazing.”

And with His approval I am ready to go further…

“Thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty…”

And the night carries on.

And on. And on…

Pure pleasure.  Pushing limits.

The sublime power exchange…

Our dynamic is perfect in its simplicity.

We do not define who we are.

There are no labels.

No expectations.  No set schedule.

He takes me on a journey that is ever-changing…

But always with the same destination in mind…




How did I get so lucky to find one who is not only a Natural…

But also a Seeker.

Teaching me the things I cannot learn on my own.

Preparing me for great things.

Great things, I eagerly seek.


“I’m looking for me…You’re looking for you.  We’re looking at each other and we don’t know what to do…”

(And this song is a guilty pleasure…with my favorite drummer…Keith Moon.  The Natural/The Seeker will appreciate it, being a drummer Himself)




Shine On…

This is one of my favorite Pink Floyd songs…

And in my humble opinion, her cover does it justice.

“Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.”

Aren’t we all exposed in the light?

Take a minute and listen to this…it IS worth your time.


The Natural

the natural


A friend told me that if I was a serial killer, I would be a collector.  She went on to say that I would keep a token from each of those I killed.


I asked her where she got such a crazy thought.

Her reply, “I read your blog. You savor each experience.  Sharing them is like collecting a piece of it for yourself to have as a memento.”

How interesting….I love that she went there.  Great correlation.

And what a good friend to enlighten me.  (If ever I do have the inclination to off one of my suitors, I will be sure to keep a finger or some appendage to reminisce…I digress…)

Which brings me to this post.  I am struggling to write this one.  I almost don’t want to share it.

I don’t want to decide how to tag it.

How to categorize it.

How to label it.

In fact, I cannot come up with a proper blog name for Him. I cannot find a fit.

I can’t put a label on Him.

He’s different.

Surprisingly different.

(Yes, this is the man I mentioned in my last post, “All These Things…”)

We met in a very typical way, on OK Cupid.  He messaged me about my profile and his message seemed sincere.  It was not appearance-based, which was refreshing.  He seemed to connect with the words on my profile, rather than just my picture.

We began messaging about ourselves…our lives…our work…our experiences with online dating.

We had a sincere connection.  And there was a spark there.

And you know me….in proper fashion,  I decided to sabotage the whole thing, as I sometimes do…and I shared my blog with Him.

Like a select few, it did not scare Him away.

It intrigued Him.  He was not intimidated at all.

Interesting gent…

So we got over that speed bump.

But you know my track record with OKC.  Some have been great and others have seemed perfect and fizzled within the first minutes of our initial meeting.  So I was hesitant.

Will he be real?  Will he be who he seems to be?

We finally agreed to meet on a Wednesday for coffee.  But it turns out on the Monday prior to our date, I was child-free (a rare occurrence in my life) so I asked if he would like to come by my house for coffee.

He was most agreeable.

Around 4:00 pm,  I received a text.

“Here are your instructions for the evening:

1.  Wear a perfume that you like.  I will need to know the name of it, as you will be instructed to wear this each time we meet.

2.  Your safeword is “freeze”

3.  Warning words are yellow and red.  Used like a traffic light

4.  Your pet name is “little girl”

5.  You will address me as Sir.

I will arrive at 8:45.  We will begin our initial meeting in a casual/vanilla way.  I will then take control when I see fit and you will adhere to the guidelines outlined above.”

I love instructions.

But here’s the thing…He was not a seasoned Dom.  In fact, He had just really learned about the lifestyle through my blog.

He had no experience.

Obviously, a quick study.  Or maybe he’s just naturally this way?

I wanted to reply to his instruction with a “DDDAAAAYYYUUUMMM” (southern speak for Damn)

But I simply replied, “Yes Sir”

As usual, I was running behind trying to get the kids settled in at their respective places.  I messaged him and asked for a few more minutes.

He reluctantly gave me 10 additional minutes.

At exactly 8:55, he arrived at my doorstep.


Great physique, strong and in command…



Looked to me like he could have been closely related to both Tobey Maguire and Joaquin Phoenix.

He had the presence I seek.  It was oozing from his pores.

Again, I speak southern…DAMN

Just as he said, our evening began in a very causal, vanilla way.  About a half hour into our great chat, he looked at me and said,

“Are you ready to play?”

I was beyond ready.

He began the evening with some serious impact play, courtesy of my new riding crop.  He was relentless in his task.  I kept losing track of the number we were on.  He was always willing to start over…

I recall looking back at Him, thinking I may have caught the glimpse of a sadistic grin on his face.

Then things moved into a more mutual physical expression.  We were a perfect match for each other.

The intensity was reciprocal.

Like a storm, we gained momentum together.  Our energy fueled the crazy-hot, furious passion.

He whispered in my ear, the things he planned to do to me.

So hot…

He looked deep into my eyes as he was deeply inside me and then he grinned that slightly sadistic grin…

As he clutched my throat.

His stare was piercing.  The look in his eyes, combined with the pressure around my neck brought me to an entirely different level.  I was heading over my edge.

There was no turning back for either of us.

We arrived at this same place together, with his strong hands around my soft neck.


And I never mentioned breath play to him.  He instinctively went there. He knew what I liked without me having to tell him.

Isn’t that what we all really want?

Someone who gets us.  Who understands our needs without us needing to spell it out?

And as for me, I want it all.

The passion.

His Dominance over me.

My submission to Him.

Our intensity together.

The unspoken understanding between us.

And so far, I have found this with Him.

But still, I hesitate to assign Him a blog name, as I feel He will morph into many different characters.

So for now, let’s call Him….

The Natural.

That says it all…





All These Things that I Have Done…

He was curt in his instruction…

“Come here and lay across my lap”

Without hesitation, I placed myself on his lap.  I was waiting for the first smack across my backside, as I knew it was coming.

He said, “You did well getting here on time today.  I am proud of you. And you did well wearing the panties I asked you to wear.  You are such a good little girl.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

He began rubbing my bottom with his hand.  Slowly caressing me.

“Have you always been such a good girl?  I am sure there have been times that you were bad.  I want to hear about those, little girl.  Tell me…when you were young, what bad things did you do?”

I thought for a moment…

Really?  I showed up on time.  I did as I was instructed.  And now, I have to confess my sins from my younger years?

“Sir, I was a bad teenager.  When I was 13, I had a crush on a older boy.  He asked me to undress and stand in my window as he rode by”

He was pensive in his reply, “Hmmm.  So how old was this boy?”

I knew I was in for it.  “He was 18, Sir.  I was very mature for my age.  He didn’t know how young I was.”

The caressing of my backside became more focused and direct.

“So you undressed for a MAN, when you were a mere 13 years old?” his voice was a bit louder.  His tone was direct.

“Yes, Sir, I did.  I know, I was a bad girl.”

He replied, “Yes you were a very bad little girl.  What do you think your punishment should be?”

Ok…I had this covered.  I knew I would be asked and I had my answer ready.

“How about five spankings?  That was the age difference between us.”

I knew it was a shot in the dark…five was far too low a number for him.

“I like how you are thinking,” he said, “but let’s be realistic.  You need more than that.  Add your age, his age and the difference between the two and add that together.”

Through former experiences I have learned the importance of fast mathematical computation in these scenarios.

Within seconds, I had an answer, “Thirty-six, Sir.”

I could sense that he was impressed with my quick answer.

“Very good, now take off your panties.  Get on the bed, on all fours and prepare yourself, little girl.”

Thirty-six?  Really?  I knew that really meant 72, as Sir requires balance.  I cannot count them until both sides are struck.

As I waited for my punishment, I had a moment of clarity.

Once I pay the penance for my wrongdoing, I am absolved of the sin.

It was done.  Over.  Paid in full.  Not worth another thought.

And at this moment, his punishment took on a different purpose for me.

I realized how this could help me through some of my issues.  Things I have held on to for so many years.  Things I need to let go of to move forward.

He already had an understanding of this.

He knew me already.

He knew what was best for me.

He hand was swift and focused.  Each blow seemed to increase in intensity.  I began to mentally recall my safeword, but didn’t utter it.

He could feel me approaching my limit and he began to ease up.  Then when I least expected it, he would increase the intensity.

He knew exactly what I needed.

At the end of all 72 blows, I was free.  Not that me undressing at age 13 for an older guy was worth 72 spankings, but it illustrated the point and taught me something valuable about myself.

I feel like I am back on the road to enlightenment.

And he is here to help me on my journey.

He gets me.

He’s got me.

So as I prepare for our next meeting, I will reflect on what i need to let go of…what I need to confess.

What I need to purge.

How I need to move forward from…

All these things that i have done…

Over and in, last call for sin
While everyone’s lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I’ve done
All these things that I’ve done