Rolling in the Deep…

This won’t be a sexy, metaphorically-laden clever post.  Folks, this is where the sh*t gets real.

We are approaching 4 months since M’s arrival.  For the number people (I happen to be one) That’s 120 days.  That’s 2880 hours.  That’s one third of a year.

And the veneer has worn off.

Yes, we have farted in front of each other.  He has seen me at my best and my worst.  He sees the in between.  He sees through my bullshit.  And occasionally, I feel a tinge of panic…because there’s nowhere for me to hide.  He will reveal me

. He has seen me swell with pride as my oldest graduated from high school, with honors.  He was there when my 7 year old had his art show.  And my 2 year old runs to him first when we both arrive at daycare to pick her up.  I am His.  He is mine.  And the kids are morphing into ours.  We are a family.  A happy family.

He is here when I fall apart…I lost my job of 6 years due to a major shift in budget.  He was here to help pick me up, reassuring me that all would work out.  Reminding me that we will be fine.

He is by my side as I watch my father’s health deteriorate.  We put him on hospice this week.  It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to face.   And I am not alone in the journey…he is here.  Leading me as my protector.

And in the midst of this chaos, he is my strength.  He helps me unpack the years of baggage I carry with me.  My burden is lighter because he works me through my issues.  (I sometimes feel like he needs to bill me for a copay)


This is the beauty of a strong relationship.  This is the epitome of D/s.  It’s not the kink.  It’s not the scenes.  (Those are wonderful and have their purpose.) But this where we go deeper.  This is where I give all to my M and he gives me sanctuary.  This is where we grow. We have a long way to go, but I will say that we walk the road together.  And when I want to run and hide…when I want to forge ahead, or lag behind….he reminds me of who I am.

I am HIS… I belong to Him, and He’s got this.


(Quotes from Pinterest) 

10 thoughts on “Rolling in the Deep…

  1. I could cry I know this kind of relationship so well. It is the foundation of every good thing. There’s so much about the sex (which quite frankly will change as age changes us) that you’re left to wonder what will be left when the stuff hits the fan. When the reality that is ‘better or worse’ comes crashing through the front door.

    This! This is how relationships are built to last. Love, love, love this post. I’m sorry to hear about your father, sweetheart ❤️❤️❤️

    My love to you all!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Annie. My father is coming to grips with reality and that is the hardest part for me. The fact that he is aware…but he’s surrounded by those who love him and we will get through this.
      I loved your comments. So true…
      There is such beauty in traveling this crazy path in the company of a person who accepts the worse with the better. Who understands that there will be days like this. And when you feel knocked out for the count…they are there, cheering you on…helping you back on your feet.
      And when you need that swift kick…they are happy to oblige. Or when you need the safety of their arms, they instinctively know. These are the intangibles that make it worth investing every ounce of my being into this man I love.

      My love to you, sweet friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My dear friend,

    I’m in awe of the strength of submission you have found. I’m working really hard on submitting EVERYTHING to Daddy and I find that my will sometimes gets in the way.

    I’m so very happy that you have your sanctuary in M. You deserve it. Hang in there, my friend, and know that there are people here that have your back as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Trust me…my will gets in the way too! But M is such a patient man and I learn more each day. I thank God every day for him. What a blessing he is in our lives.
      Thanks for the encouragement. I feel strength in knowing I have you as a friend. Love you!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so very happy for you both!! THIS love is what it’s all about, the day to day business of loving support, vulnerable connection, and strength. It’s work! But it’s worth every ounce of it.


    Liked by 1 person

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