Opening the Windows

Yes!  Finally! Spring has arrived in my town. The kids are back in school.  The Masters’ patrons have all returned home and the thick yellow pollen has began to subside. The weather is warm and the feel in the house is warmer from the temperature outside and also because M is here permanently.  We are blending into a very happy and contented family.

I realized today, that it’s time to open the windows.

Not literally, but as we progress…as our bond deepens, I am beginning to understand that it’s time for me to fully reveal myself.  Not that I have been holding back, but there are things I need to release…M already knows this, but I recently had one of my epiphanies that enlightened me.

I enjoy the dense anticipation leading up to a well-orchestrated scene.  I love the planning.  I love the preparation.  I love how I envision the scenario.  I love the rush of it all.  And equally, I love Maestro’s spontaneity.  When I least expect it.  When I am not prepared, he brings an afternoon filled with carnal pleasure that makes me a blubbering mess.

Literally.

So I will get a little personal here, but I am one of those lucky gals who is able to orgasm easily and frequently.  I find that each time I go there, I lose myself in the moment and shift into a state of hedonistic debauchery.  Maestro knows every inch of my body and how to make me writhe and shake with delight in a mere matter of minutes.  Today, he took me to a place I’d never ventured before.  It was like subspace, but far more primal.  I found myself glazed over, breathing like a wild animal, staring deeply into his eyes.  I was so overcome by the beast within me, that I was no longer my civilized self.  And at that moment, in it’s intensity, I began to weep.

With Maestro, I find that I do cry from our more consuming exchanges together.  It usually happens after I venture into subspace, and it’s a beautiful release.

Today was different.

Today, the tears felt more intentional.  They were a layer I was shedding, like an animal sheds its winter coat in the warmth of spring.  It was a place of pure vulnerability.  I felt it.  He felt it.  And when I tried to retreat and nuzzle into his chest, he held my face and said, “No.  Don’t hide.  Look at me.”

I tried to look away, but he held my face with a tender firmness that demanded my attention.  So we stared into each others eyes.  The human and the wild animal, sharing an unspoken trust.  Sharing a new level of our life together. And the tears…they fell…one by one…neither of us trying to wipe them away.  Both of us so focused on each other that it was a moment that I will never forget.  The feeling, like a hunter capturing his prey.  His prey could have tried to escape, but chose to stay…in the moment.  Chose to let him have her.

I realized once the beast within retreated and I fell back into my civilized self, that I had just opened my windows. My soul was aching to come out.  I knew that in that moment, I felt and revealed a part of my soul that had been hibernating for far too long.  The winter of my life is officially over.  Spring is here.

And my windows are open.

open window

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6 thoughts on “Opening the Windows

  1. i hung on every word you wrote. Very eloquently written, my friend. Cinn had a post the other day about orgasms and crying…(really good if you get the chance to read it)…i had to ask her if the crying was part of the subspace or release. It sounds like with you (and me) we have the pleasure of releasing pent up emotions during an orgasm (which makes us cry) and also subspace…idk…just a thought. Glad to see you’re writing! i missed it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. jb,

      Thanks for the sweet comments, friend! I did read Cinn’s post and found it interesting that we both had a similar experience, as our journeys are so parallel right now.
      These tears were a bit different that my usual subspace. It was a place of open vulnerability and likely a release of those pent up emotions you reference. It is very moving to share that with M.
      I hope to begin writing more consistently now that we are settling into our new routine.
      Love you, my friend!
      -lj

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh so beautiful sweet lady! Wow, i am near tears reading this. I am so happy for you; I long to be where you are… while so much is very, very good for us, we still have a journey ahead of us to get where you seem to be in mere months. My Os are wonderful things, of late reticent, and SK is rarely able to bring me there without my “help/intervention.” I hope you know how lucky you are that your body responds so well to his touch, and through that touch he brings you to an even deeper and more profound connection. I have sweet memories of what you wrote… and hope to find these intense sensations again!

    I loved your rendering of this piece. (Ah yes, that yellow pollen has plagued us here too!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DD,

      Thanks for your sweet words! It was a profound experience, as this journey continues to be. I do realize how fortunate I am that he is able to conduct my body with such precision. It’s a first for me on many accounts…to have someone so intuitive and perceptive.
      I hope you and SK will find the intensity you referenced in your comments…It’s there, I’m sure, it just may take some creative navigation to find it again.
      I always love your comments…thanks for reading, friend.
      Love to you,
      -lj

      Like

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