Month: March 2015

“ReMastered”

Recently I have been on a musical mission. Finding songs from my past that resonate with me now. And I noticed a trend during my search.  Many of the songs I sought, had been “remastered”.

What an interesting word…Remastered.

In music, remastered means the original recording of a song has been digitally enhanced.  Most of the songs on my list that have been remastered, sound clearer, and there is a greater distinction in tone.  There is an overall better sound quality…with no static.  It is still the same song, not a cover, but rather better version of the original.

What an interesting concept.  ReMastered.

Taking a moment to apply the concept to myself, I find that I have indeed, been ReMastered.  I am still the same “song” but the static is gone.  I am clearer.  I am able to distinguish between the many tones in my sound.  It is all because I am enhanced.  Better.

Leave it to the Maestro to put my song back in tune, making it better than the original.

Living the M/s dynamic 24/7 makes me a better person.  My focus is steady, my resolve relentless.  My one and only objective is to do what is pleasing to M.  And many of you reading this may think…yeah, that’s nice, but what about your job, your kids, your life?  And I hear you…months ago, I would not have understood the profound effect living in a power-exchange relationship would have on how I function.  But this “ReMastering” makes me better in every way.

If I focus on what is pleasing to my Maestro, then I have no other worries.

It makes him happy if I wake up early and arrive to work early.  He finds my punctuality, pleasing.

It makes him happy when I keep the kids on a routine (and he helps tremendously with this).  He finds this structure pleasing.

It makes him happy that I take a minute in the morning to fix his coffee and bring it to him, without being asked.  He finds my service to him, pleasing.

It makes him happy when I openly beg him for what I want, without limit or reservation.  He finds my absolute surrender to him, pleasing.

It makes him happy when I kneel before him, as he reads or watches television, resting my head on his knee.  He finds my reverence to him, pleasing.

I feel complete and utter peace in doing what pleases him.  Everything is easier for me.  I don’t become as stressed when the kids are out of control, because I have his support and his strength.  Bad day at work? No problem…I can give it all to him and from his vantage point as my Master, he helps me find the opportunities hidden from my sight. His ownership protects me from many of the burdens I’ve faced alone for most of my life.

If you stop and think about it…it’s really a beautiful trade.  His ownership and my surrender.  Each of us giving the other what they want most out of life.  I find it very spiritual and it reaffirms this journey of mine.  This journey that has shifted into something far deeper than I ever thought possible.  It’s much like a godly relationship.  Giving all to God…the good and the bad, handing over all burdens, giving praise and glory.  Allowing oneself to surrender, to be led, to be protected.  For me, my relationship with Maestro, within this M/s dynamic, is a direct manifestation of how I want my relationship with God to be.  I want to do what is pleasing to Him, knowing that this is my one directive.  Living in a way that is pleasing to both my Maestro and my Maker.  Leaving my troubles and burdens with those who take on the responsibility in exchange for my faith, devotion and surrender.

It is perfect in its simplicity.

And I have to say…each day with Maestro is perfect simply because he is here.  I guess you could say that I have everything I want.

You say you’ll give me
Eyes in a moon of blindness
A river in a time of dryness
A harbor in the tempest

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And So It Begins…

Today is the DAY! M is in route and in less than seven hours..he will be here. The kids are beyond excited and I have been “nesting” all week to get things ready for his arrival. (Special thanks to those who helped me get it all together, Lou and PBR, thanks ladies…your help and support made all the difference!)

Sometimes, there is a song that just fits the occasion, perfectly. Leave it to John Lennon to have the right words.

It’s time to spread our wing’s and fly,
Don’t let another day go by my love,
It’ll be just like starting over – starting over,

Save travels, M.  We are all ready for you to come home.

At a Loss…

closer please

I am at a loss for words…

And yet I sit here, trying to share with you what I experienced this weekend.  Trying to figure out a way to put it out there in words that can be understood.

And even I don’t fully understand it.

Maestro arrived at 5:07 am on Saturday morning.  He decided to sleep for a while after work before making the drive to me, putting him here before daybreak.  Things were different from the beginning.  There was a different feel to his arrival.  It didn’t feel like he was coming for a visit.

It felt like he was coming home.

And after such a long and tedious drive through the night, he was ready for bed.  Or so I thought…

By 6:34 am, I’d had so many orgasms that I felt lightheaded.  Each one was more intense than the previous one.  The freshly laundered sheets were muddled in a matter of minutes and Maestro was intent on pushing further.

With his hand firmly grasping my throat, he growled, “I am not finished using you yet.”

And he carried on with his intent.  Pushing me.  Extracting ecstasy at every move.  I was almost in a state of bewilderment, almost at my limit, when he relented and allowed me respite…giving me the opportunity to please him…to worship him.

We got little sleep and the kids were up very early.  They were excited to see M.  They adore him. We spent the majority of the day playing with them…and the babysitter arrived.  We decided to grab an early dinner.  I could tell Maestro was thinking about something, I could sense it.  As we ate, he said, “I am coming here to stay.  No more traveling back and forth.  This is where I want to be.  I have a job offer and it’s time to make the change.”

I was shocked.  We had been talking about his relocation, with a projected time frame for the summer.  So this was sudden and I was beyond happy.  I need this man, this wonderful man, in my life daily…I need to be in his presence, daily.

So we sat there and planned.  And he will be here this weekend.  This is REALLY happening!

Looking back at the inception of this blog, of my journey at that time…I could have never dreamed that this would happen.  I never dreamed that I would ever find the happiness, as I have with him.  I never knew I could have the whole enchilada…have my cake and savor it too…

Think about it…I have been blessed with a man who loves and adores me.

And I love and adore him.

He loves my kids.

My kids love him.

He loves and accepts my family (my ailing father).

My family LOVES him.

He is able to fulfill my mind (not easy, I am an over-analytical, people pleaser)

He is able to lead and protect me.

He is able to take me to places I’ve never been.

He allows me to be my wickedly kinky self (as he is also wickedly kinky, even more than me).

And here we go…

My Master, as I am His…His slave.

He owns me, saying I am His most precious possession.

And we are about to embark on this crazy journey together as One.

So again, I am at a loss… a loss of what to say… a loss of the mess I was before.

Looking forward to who I have become.  Who I will become…

As we become One.

one day

 

Madness

This week has been incredibly stressful for me. Maestro has also had a challenging week. Lucky for us both, he is visiting this weekend. I do hope he sees fit to push my limits and further my enlightenment. I hope he rummages through our bag of delights and finds the perfect implement to use on me, as he uses me.  He says, “You know I don’t take requests.” And trust me, I do know this.

My reply was, “Yes, but I do know you will TAKE what is Yours.”

transformed

I hope the weekend is full of dark and dastardly deeds, because this week has been nothing short of pure Madness….

 

The Transformation…

transform

His knife of control

Slices deep in her soul

The sweet, deep incision

Demands her submission

He takes her breath with a

Sleight of his hand

As she kneels at attention

And awaits His command.

With His hand on her throat

Her eyes fixed in His stare

He strips away her walls

Leaving her bare

He surveys her form

As He knows it by heart

He puts her together

As He pulls her apart

He rebuilds her soul

As He makes her feel new

Transforming into one

What was formerly two

Tests, Initials, and Labels

So the post I wrote on the alphabet had me thinking…there are really so many letters and labels out there in the BDSM community.  Think about it, the community itself is identified by it’s four letters

Bondage and Discipline/Domination and submission/Sadism and Masochism

Keeping this theme going, the main tenet to the lifestyle are these 3 letters:  S S and C

Safe, sane and consensual.

And preferably, DDD

Drug, disease and drama-free.

And for those who practice DD (domestic discipline), the lifestyle is often described as TTWD (this thing we do).

So many letters…

And with the recent BDSM test that circulated around here on WP, I found it interesting…

The categories that I fit into…

Of the M/s, I am the s (no surprise here)

Of the S & M, I am the M (truly no surprise either)

I enjoy the B.  I enjoy the D.  (not a shocker)

Along with that analysis…

And I am venturing into a 24/7 dynamic with my M, as we are embarking on a TPE relationship.

But we are currently in a LDR.

In addition to these initials, I am a SWF and have been told on some occasion that I also fit into the MILF category, which makes me chuckle.  I think that horny bag boy wanted to put more than groceries in my trunk.

So many initials.  So many labels.  But it doesn’t define who we are.  And if I may digress for a quick minute…on the Myers-Briggs personality test, I am an ENFP, for those who keep up with that stuff.

For those who follow astrology…I am a Sagittarius.

For those who follow the Chinese Zodiac, I am a rat, water rat to be precise.

Back to the BDSM labeling… let’s summarize by the letters only:

I am a SWF, who is a s to her M, that is the M in S & M, enjoying a little B & D as she ventures into a 24/7 TPE relationship, that is currently a LDR, until her M in FL is able to relocate to GA.

What the letters don’t say:

She is fierce, strong woman who openly and freely chooses to submit to her partner, who has evolved into her Master.  She has been plagued with significant trust issues for most of her life and enjoys being able to let go completely as his devoted slave, giving all control to her M.  In doing so, she enjoys that he pushes her limits through various scenarios…and she finds those involving a certain degree of pain and/or bondage, to be the most pleasurable.  She is eager for the day when she and her M are able to live freely in a total power exchange relationship, because for now there is 7 hours separating them.

But their day is coming.

masters feet

 

And they won’t define themselves by the letters, or the labels.  But rather they will define their devotion to each other by:

The unspoken.  The subliminal.

The mundane.  The profound.

The awe-inspiring.  The day-to-day.

The good.  The bad.

The everything.

Because that is what they are to each other…