Things are much better now. I’ve had a trying start to 2015. I didn’t realize how much I’d distanced myself from everyone, especially Maestro. I guess it’s how I cope. Instead of reaching out to him for help, for support…I pushed him farther and farther away. My last post was my way of reaching out and initially, he didn’t take it well. I can certainly understand his perspective. Instead of just telling him how much I was hurting, I turned away from him and turned to my writing.
He was hurt that I didn’t open up to him, but being the strong man he is…he was able to put his own feelings aside and focus on me. We talked for hours. He helped me through the darkness I was feeling. He helped me identify my triggers. He helped me understand his triggers. And at the end of our conversation, a talk that lasted into the wee hours of Friday morning, he made an announcement.
“I am coming up this weekend. I need to see you.”
We were planning a visit for Valentine’s weekend, so this was an exciting surprise. At first, I worried that he would not be able to visit two weeks in a row. It is a 7-hour drive, one way, after all. But he was undeterred by time or distance. He still planned to be here for Valentines, but he wanted to make sure I was okay. He wanted to be there for me. He wanted to make sure “we” were okay. And being a man of his word…
At 1:15 am, Saturday morning, my Maestro was here.
One I saw him, everything was okay. I immediately felt the protection and support I needed just by his presence. We had a great weekend…quiet and relaxing. And he is so good with my kids. He understands how challenging it is for me to give them all of the attention they need, while trying to work and keep the house, and care for my father. So he senses where I need the support and jumps in to help. He keeps me calm and grounded when things become chaotic.
And he also knows how to give me the release I so badly need. And in my recent stressed state, he understood just how far to push me, without going too far. He knows what I need.
We are stronger than ever. This was our first real challenge. When I was falling he came to the rescue and caught me in those big strong arms of his. When my problems were too much, he carried me. When we began drifting apart, he closed the distance between us and showed up on my doorstep.
When I began to doubt everything, he restored my faith.
I learned from this experience…I learned that I need to trust his strength. Trust his judgement. And most of all, trust him to be the man I know he is. The One who can handle it all. The One who holds my fragile heart in his strong and worthy hands.
All my love to you, M. See you again soon.