The Force Is Strong With This One

I’ve been doing quite a bit of soul searching lately. Understanding this new place. This new relationship.

The new person I am becoming.

Looking back at some of my earlier posts, I can see just how much I have grown. How I have embraced my true submissive nature. How I have evolved.

It was a really crazy ride in the beginning.

I did some outrageous things.  (Going to an island to meet a pierced shrink)

I took some incredible risks. (Playing with sharp objects with a sadist)

And lucky for me, I not only came out of it unscathed (for the most part), I emerged from the depths of my search…a more enlightened person.
One post that I find particularly appropriate with the upcoming holiday is one that I wrote 5 months ago, to the day, how ironic!  It was titled “These Are Not the Droids You’re Looking For”

Specifically, this was on my mind:

And yet, I continue to look.

Why?  Why do I waste my time?  Why do I put myself through the turmoil?

Introspectively, I think it’s a bit of a distraction for me.  Fun and entertaining.

And it’s because I think the blend exists.  I would love to find the perfect man.

The one I can bring home to family for Christmas dinner…that later that evening, breaks off a limb from the Christmas tree and flogs me senseless.  Ties me up with Christmas ribbon.  Puts his new riding crop in my stocking. 

Now that’s the gift that keeps on giving…sigh

Back to the story.”

I do believe that I have found what I described in that post.  The blend.  And I am thankful that I was able to find it in the midst of all of my craziness.  (Makes me want to say, “Why yes, Virginia.  There is a Santa Claus.”)

I am sure some of my readers are still a bit skeptical.  Concerned that maybe my journey with Maestro is on “warp” speed ahead.  The old me would have been weary and skeptical, also.  Remember, I didn’t believe in love.  I certainly didn’t think I would ever find it, especially expressed in the way, I needed it.  But here I am…part of a “We” which is a wonderful place to be.  (Sounds like a Hallmark card or a Dr Seuss tale, doesn’t it?)

And it’s real.  It’s not a flighty thing…not infatuation.  It is deep respect and adoration.  Trust me when I tell you….I know the difference.  It’s being able to share anything.  Sharing everything.  Letting go of secrets I’ve kept hidden from everyone.  It’s acceptance.  It’s understanding.

And it’s intensely hot.  I crave Maestro and no one else on this planet (or in a galaxy far, far away) will ever do.  I need him.  Only him.

You’re right, Darth Vader

The Force is strong with this one.

 

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6 thoughts on “The Force Is Strong With This One

  1. Happy for you! I did the speed-read catch up of you a month or so ago, and yes, you were reckless and it was a little scary. I worried for you. I am happy you’ve found someone with a stable balance. For most of us “in THIS world” aka “in real life,” there has to be an image fit for public consumption (otherwise we risk arrest!), and then the one behind closed doors. He is ALWAYS the same to us, but that he can so seamlessly slide into each world and meet approval is a gift indeed (or perhaps that’s schizophrenia, LOL?). Craving him is good…being able to be yourself is great. Hugs!

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    1. DD,

      I am SO SORRY that it’s taken me so long to reply to your comment. With Mom’s passing I let a few things slip by me, but all is well now. I am beginning to get back to normal. I was re-reading this post and just realized I’d not responded. Forgive me, friend.
      You are so right when you talk about how he is ALWAYS the same to us…how true. We know the man that promises and delivers dastardly deeds, and we also know the one who is able to hold us when the times are tough. I sometimes can’t believe I’ve found it all in one! I sometimes feel like I should pinch myself.
      And then I am reminded…that he will be happy to pinch me instead. 🙂
      Sigh….
      Love to you! Happy New Year!
      -lj

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