Despite the fact that Maestro had my hands tied, over my head, with clear instructions not to move them.
And the fact that he was having his way with me…
And that my body had been ravaged for hours on end for two days…
I found myself in a spiritual place, Sunday night.
We’d had a full day. Visiting one of my favorite places, the House of Blues for lunch, touring about Downtown Disney, meeting his dad, going to a movie and having a great dinner together, followed by a ride through a posh neighborhood to see Christmas lights…closing out the evening with some much needed restraint and kink. (And thank you L…the scarves you sent they made for great restraints!)
I was beyond satiated. But at the same time, I was pensive.
Earlier in the day, as we arrived at the movie theater, I received a message from a new reader. A reader, who is on a similar journey…searching for God in the midst of her exploration into D/s. I found her message intriguing and convicting. I mean, how many of us out there are really looking for God in D/s or a BDSM relationship? It seems a stretch to find the correlation. But she and I were on a similar plane, as are a handful of fellow bloggers out there. I have come to admire many of these ladies, deeply.
I felt convicted in my spirit because we were sitting down to watch, Exodus, the new Ridley Scott movie about the story of Moses. I honestly didn’t care to see the movie. Maestro showed me a trailer and I felt it would be a bit too violent for my taste. But I could tell he wanted to see it and I submitted to his decision.
Submitted. To. Him.
And a few minutes into the movie, I understood why I was there…
From a spiritual place, I felt commonality between Moses and myself. I have turned and run from God more times than I can count. I have doubted God. Doubted His very existence. I have scoffed and scorned Him. I have shrugged off signs. I have ignored messages. And even though I have done all of these things, in many ways I have always sought Him. Sought the comfort of knowing and believing. Sought the feeling only faith can give a person. I yearn to have faith…a deep faith.
So what does any of this have to do with anything, you ask?
Bear with me…I have a point.
I truly believe that things don’t happen by coincidence. I feel there is a bigger picture. A higher calling in most things.
Of all movies for us to watch, it was that one.
Of all times to receive the message, it was then, at that moment.
Of all of the people I could be sitting with, it is my Maestro.
And it dawned on me that this is bigger than I understand. The message in the email. The message in the movie. The absolute love and affection I get from Maestro. This is all part of a bigger thing.
The message I received in all of that is I am right where I am supposed to be.
I am with who I am supposed to be with.
And it is my responsibility to understand this. Embrace this new version of me.
Submitting to Maestro.
Submitting to the Almighty.
I find that I am ready. Finally ready.
It’s clear now.
Timing really is everything…