I have always lived a double life. Until now.
I remember when I began exploring a secret life. There was an excitement to it. I was able to escape my reality by living in an alternate, yet parallel existence. It’s where I began my first experience with D/s.
To my family and friends I was an intelligent, driven 16 year old, well-spoken and self-assured. I knew what I wanted out of life and I had the ambition to make it happen. They saw me as the obedient good girl, who did what was expected and rarely questioned authority.
Funny how that paralleled into my secret life…
Because, in my secret existence, I was still the same girl, just a much darker version. I was involved with a man many years my senior, my mentor at work, who introduced me to the lifestyle, without ever labeling it as such. I was just as obedient and did what I was told to do. It was a very natural place for me. I learned early on that I enjoyed pushing limits and exploring different things…things my high school counterparts knew nothing about.
It was part of my secret existence.
Now fast-forward 25 years. Since then, I have always kept a part of my life secret. Neither of my former spouses knew of, or would have ever accommodated my eclectic tastes in kink. They saw me in a completely different light. I was the one in control of the relationship, so I could never be my true submissive self. When I would recommend different things, they would become uncomfortable and withdraw, so I stopped communicating. Keeping it all on a surface-level.
I always looked for an outlet elsewhere. It’s not something I am proud of at all. But luckily, neither of them were ever aware of my extra-curricular activities. That was never the reason for the breakup…there were many other reasons that ended the marriage.
So, here I am. Almost 42 years old. And for once in my adult life, I have nothing to hide. I want to share it all with Maestro. There is no shame in my past transgressions. There is no hesitance in disclosing my dark moments. I know that his love and adoration is unconditional, just as mine is with him. There is no need to keep anything from him. He loves and accepts all of me.
From a spiritual place, this type of love and acceptance epitomizes the concept of grace. It’s where love cannot be earned, but rather, it’s given freely as a gift.
Through this grace…
I have freed myself of any distractions. Those that were part of my secret existence no longer have a place in my life.
I am freed of the need to hold on to secrets. To keep secrets. To live a double life.
I am unlocked. Open. Ready to share. Ready to receive.
Seems each corner I turn, with Maestro as my guide, I find myself closer to the enlightenment I’ve sought all these years.
Faith. Love. Peace. Grace.
Each day brings deeper understanding as we journey along together.