I’ve been doing quite a bit of soul searching lately. Understanding this new place. This new relationship.
The new person I am becoming.
Looking back at some of my earlier posts, I can see just how much I have grown. How I have embraced my true submissive nature. How I have evolved.
It was a really crazy ride in the beginning.
I did some outrageous things. (Going to an island to meet a pierced shrink)
I took some incredible risks. (Playing with sharp objects with a sadist)
And lucky for me, I not only came out of it unscathed (for the most part), I emerged from the depths of my search…a more enlightened person.
One post that I find particularly appropriate with the upcoming holiday is one that I wrote 5 months ago, to the day, how ironic! It was titled “These Are Not the Droids You’re Looking For”
Specifically, this was on my mind:
“And yet, I continue to look.
Why? Why do I waste my time? Why do I put myself through the turmoil?
Introspectively, I think it’s a bit of a distraction for me. Fun and entertaining.
And it’s because I think the blend exists. I would love to find the perfect man.
The one I can bring home to family for Christmas dinner…that later that evening, breaks off a limb from the Christmas tree and flogs me senseless. Ties me up with Christmas ribbon. Puts his new riding crop in my stocking.
Now that’s the gift that keeps on giving…sigh
Back to the story.”
I do believe that I have found what I described in that post. The blend. And I am thankful that I was able to find it in the midst of all of my craziness. (Makes me want to say, “Why yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus.”)
I am sure some of my readers are still a bit skeptical. Concerned that maybe my journey with Maestro is on “warp” speed ahead. The old me would have been weary and skeptical, also. Remember, I didn’t believe in love. I certainly didn’t think I would ever find it, especially expressed in the way, I needed it. But here I am…part of a “We” which is a wonderful place to be. (Sounds like a Hallmark card or a Dr Seuss tale, doesn’t it?)
And it’s real. It’s not a flighty thing…not infatuation. It is deep respect and adoration. Trust me when I tell you….I know the difference. It’s being able to share anything. Sharing everything. Letting go of secrets I’ve kept hidden from everyone. It’s acceptance. It’s understanding.
And it’s intensely hot. I crave Maestro and no one else on this planet (or in a galaxy far, far away) will ever do. I need him. Only him.
You’re right, Darth Vader
The Force is strong with this one.