Longing and Belonging

I have a deep appreciation for all music. In my opinion some of the best songs were written in the 1950’s, when idealism and hope were alive and thriving.
This song has such a deep meaning.

No matter where…no matter when.

Whether traveling to warm desert sands or the Dells of Wisconsin, this perfect feeling of belonging to someone transcends time and distance.

Safe travels, my -M-

Advertisements

Put a Spell on You…

Spell

Intoxicated

Drunken

Taken in by this enigma

It is Him

He who permeates every thought and desire

Who has worked his dark magic

Making me long for Him

As I lie here

Waiting for Him

To play me

Anticipating the sweet music

As He,

The Maestro

Conducts the orchestra that is

My Body

My Heart

My Mind

My Soul

All in sync together

I am under His direction

Under His spell

 

The Sub-Whisperer

We were having such a lovely evening together.

Such connection.

I am a hater…let’s read that again, HATER, of public displays of affection.

I always find a way to avoid it.

No hand-holding…I’ll pretend to fidget with something in my purse to keep my hands occupied.

No hugging or embracing…I will fake a coughing fit that could bring medical personnel from a two-mile radius to avoid this in public

And no kissing…I will keep coughing if needed, but I may throw in a fake phone call for good measure.

But this time, when He reached for my hand I didn’t fidget.

I let go of me and all of my weird quirks and grabbed His hand.

His big strong hand.

And yes the PDA was slightly uncomfortable at first, but I quickly acclimated.

We did it all…out in the open.  Hugging, kissing and hand holding.

Dinner was perfect.  He is a natural gentleman, pulling out my chair when we arrived at the table.  The server was impressed and forgot herself when she said out loud, “Awwww. Real chivalry.  Sweet!”

We noshed off of each other’s plates as if we had been together for years.  The conversation and the energy was so intense, we made the server a bit uncomfortable.  We could tell she was afraid to interrupt us to ask if we needed anything.

After dinner we talked.  And talked.  And talked.  We were never without something to say to each other.

We arrived back at his room and we laid across the bed and talked.  And talked.

Did I mention that he drove SEVEN hours (VII in Roman numerals) to see me.

Yes, SEVEN hours one way.

We began kissing and it was amazing.  The closeness.  The intensity.  The undeniable depth.

He was in no hurry to move to anything more.  We just laid there and kissed.  And talked.

Each kiss drew me in deeper.  I knew this was different.,,what I was feeling was different.

He was different.  I could be myself around Him.

Just me…

He whispered in my ear, “You please me…I love how you respond to my kiss…to my touch.  Now, I would like for you to take your dress off.”

Without thought.  Without trepidation, I removed my dress.

I had no inhibition.  None of the usual body-anxiety that I typically feel when undressing in front of someone for the first time.

I confidently stood in front of him.

Completely naked.

And he was still fully dressed.

He sat there and just took me in.  Looking at every square inch of my body.  Touching me as he carefully studied each curve, each bend, each edge, each blemish on my skin.

Even the scars.

Even the stretch marks, remnants from three children.

Again…I had no reservation.  I felt comfortable.

I felt beautiful.

And for once, I truly felt at peace in the moment.

I reflected on what was happening as it happened.  It was almost as if I stepped out of the moment to observe the moment.

And during this reflection, I began to think of Him like a horse whisperer.

He had a way of taming me…but not breaking me.

He knew how to speak my language.  He knew how to make me comfortable and at ease.

He also knew my issues with trust.  My instinct to run.

But I chose not to…not this time.

I was steadfast and still

But without a bridle.

Not saddled.

Not tied.

Not whipped.

I was free to go.  Free to roam.

But I wanted to stay.  I wanted to be in His presence.

I craved his touch.  His kiss.

His approval.

The evening carried on and he continued to explore every part of me.  His attention to detail was beyond overwhelming.  He knew how to bring me over the edge in ways I had not experienced.

And he relished in doing so.

Over and over.

And over.  And over.

He was completely focused on figuring me out from the inside out.  His pleasure was in seeing me (and hearing me…my God I was sooo loud) enjoy Him.

His focus went on for hours.

He would whisper in my ear, stroke my hair.

Clutch my throat.

And make my body shake uncontrollably with pleasure.

Sublime in His style of dominance.

And knowing how I craved His touch, He saw fit to give me a proper spanking.

Knowing just how I wanted it.

This time, I am shameless…

Shameless to admit to you and everyone, that I have fallen.

I am under the spell of this “sub-whisperer”

Finally understanding that what I have been missing is Him.

And as I spend more time with this man…this gift, I realize more and more that what I seek from my journey is more than kink.  More than a scene.

I want the full dynamic.

The 24/7.

The mundane and the erotic.

The vanilla and the kink.

The public displays of affection.

And of course…

The whispers.

His whispers…

“Faith requires following the power of a whisper.”Shannon Alder

“You know I can’t let you slide through my hands”

The Road Not Taken…

We all know the poem, a Robert Frost classic.  It is a poem about the choices we make.

One road is traveled, assumed to be the easier path.

The other road is less traveled and unknown.

Unpaved and filled with uncertainty.

I have spent the majority of my life walking between these two roads.

In career, I have often taken the road less traveled, making instinctive decisions and taking risks.  Luckily, this has paid off for me.

In my family life, I have always done what is expected of me on the well-traveled path.  My methods may be a bit unorthodox, but I am usually able to keep everyone healthy and happy.

In my social life I teeter between the two roads with an eclectic mixture of friends and acquaintances.

Some friends stay on the main road, never diverting their eyes from the path in front of them.  Only going where others have gone before them.  Obligation and expectation serve as their compass.

Other friends occasionally take a detour off of the main thoroughfare, but always return to the comfort of the well-established, clearly lit road of familiarity.

A handful of friends don’t need a stinkin’ road.  They blaze their own trail in their bare feet.

In my love life, I have always taken the paved road complete with signs, mile markers and most importantly…

Well-defined EXITS…

When it comes to matters of the heart, I have never wanted to venture down the road less traveled, with unexpected twists and turns, one way streets and potential for dead ends.

I have never traveled that road until now.

Here I am on my journey to enlightenment and the only way to reach my destination is to navigate this elusive path of unchartered territory, that in a word… is love.

Until this point in my travels, I have been led by guides…gentlemen I’ve met on this trip who have pointed me in the direction of my destination.

I’d like to take a minute to reflect on those whose guidance led me to where I am now.

There are the ones who showed me what I don’t seek:  Don Knots, Dr. Pierce and Bond/Ike Turner.

I learned a lot from exploring what I did not want, understanding that I have no use for frustrated boy scouts, pierced psychiatrists without social skills and cruel bastards who pretend to understand the lifestyle.  These experiences allowed me to further bypass these exits along the journey.

No need to travel these dead-end roads once again.

There are those that just didn’t work out.  They weren’t disasters, but there was something missing from either the chemistry or the dynamic:  Father D, The Captain, Marky Mark.

These gentlemen had all the makings of guiding me further on the journey, but fell short of navigating the distance.  No hard feelings.

There are those with amazing potential, that just never happened:  Mr. Hyde in Baltimore and the trident carrying firefighter, who told me to trade in my trainers for stilettos…it was time to stop running.

There are those who made a significant impact on my life: Sir, Hemingway, Henry Hill, Billy the Kid and the Natural.

Each of these gentlemen transitioned from their position as guide to being a friend.

Sir still gives me spiritual guidance (whether or not I heed it).  He is always hopeful that he will someday save my wretched soul.

Hemingway gave me my confidence back.  He helped me heal from a horrific experience.  He restored my faith in the journey.  He put me back on my spiritual sojourn.

Henry Hill has morphed into one of the best friends I have.  I rely on him to help me make difficult decisions.  He has a true wisdom and has yet to steer me wrong.  He is one of the few people on this earth that can make me laugh out loud.  And he’s pretty easy on the eyes.

Which leads me to Billy the Kid.  Billy has been the biggest surprise of all.  Who would have thought that this young gun would make such an impact in my life?  He is the personification of cool.  A true gentleman who enjoys the finer things in life and reminds me that to get the best, one must demand the best.  Never settle.  In my humble opinion, no one will ever be good enough for Billy.

And finally….

The Natural taught me valuable life lessons.  He allowed me to hear my inner voice, to atone for things in my past and to let go. Most importantly, in his own way, he prepared me for the One.

No longer will my fragile heart seek the solace of the well-traveled road.  Instead, I boldly skip along on this path of unknown origins heading straight for the One.

He is out there.  I now know Him.

I have looked into His eyes.

I have kissed His lips.

He has touched my soul.

I am His.  I give myself…

Freely

Shamelessly

And although I am walking upon this road without signs or exits, I have a peace knowing He is leading me.  Walking with me.  Protecting me.

Guiding me on this road to enlightenment that just so happens to be filled with love.

No doubts

No detours

Just hand in hand on the journey to happiness, how ever we define it.

Heading confidently towards our destination.

As I close this reflective post, I can’t help but think of one of my favorite quotes:

“She wasn’t where she was,

She wasn’t where she was going…

She was on her way.”

Off we go…

The Seeker

The Urban dictionary defines a seeker as:

Someone who has become enlightened in the ways of the universe by accepting they know nothing about it.

In this post The Natural has morphed into…

The Seeker…

His instructions:

You are to do exactly as you did before.  Same perfume.  Same safeword.  Same caution words.

Arrive at 9:30 at the same location, and this time I would like you to be the meticulous librarian.

Bring your riding crop and favorite toys.

Hmmmmm

I just love His instructions.

I absolutely love role play.

I arrived early…yes, you read that correctly.

Early. 

With hair pulled up, suit jacket on and librarian glasses, I knocked on His door.

He answered and ushered me in.

He slowly circled me…surveying me up and down.

I could tell He liked this look.

“Did you bring what I asked you to bring?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good, place them over there.  Now lie on the bed.  I would like for your head to be slightly off the edge of the bed.”

I quickly complied with His orders.

Again, He paced around me.  Staring me in the eyes, behind my glasses.

“Do you know what librarians are good at doing?”

He paused waiting for my response.

Being cheeky, I answered, “Keeping quiet….Shhhhhh”

“No….they are great at research.  Today, you are the subject of our research.  We will find out what makes you tick, little girl.”

Never had I been so aroused by the thought of research.

Where was He when I was in college?  

“Your focus is to let go.  And for us to figure out how to best accomplish that.”

And with that statement, He stood over me.  Looking into my eyes, He knelt to my ear and whispered,

“Do you trust me, little girl?”

Without hesitation, “I do trust you, Sir.  Completely”

And as I uttered the last syllable of the word, He placed His hands on my neck and we began a beautiful journey to abandon.

There is such sweet release in letting go of control.  Letting go of fear.  And trusting…

Completely.

He has an innate sense of what I need.  He anticipates my growth in each scene.

His goal is to give me pure release.

And He realizes to do this, He must allow me to be my submissive self.  I need to serve Him.

Being The Seeker, He knows I need to push limits.

He exudes such control.

He so cleverly incorporates my desire to explore breath control with my desire to pleasure Him.

I shy away from being explicit in my writing, but readers bear with me, I must put it out there to illustrate the point.

He enters my mouth and slowly pushes himself deeply inside to my throat.  He continues to edge farther in…as far as I can possibly take.

At this point, He holds and caresses the back of my head.

Instructing me to hold the position, He counts…

He consumes every single millimeter of space and I am unable to breathe during this time.  It truly pushes me.

I recall the calm in His voice.

I remember hearing, “Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty. thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four…”

I finally relent and come up for air.

He takes my face in His strong, gentle hands.  Wiping the tears from my face, as that level of depth causes my eyes to water.

Smiling, He looks at me and says,

“What a good girl.  That is amazing.”

And with His approval I am ready to go further…

“Thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty…”

And the night carries on.

And on. And on…

Pure pleasure.  Pushing limits.

The sublime power exchange…

Our dynamic is perfect in its simplicity.

We do not define who we are.

There are no labels.

No expectations.  No set schedule.

He takes me on a journey that is ever-changing…

But always with the same destination in mind…

Trust.

Release.

Growth.

How did I get so lucky to find one who is not only a Natural…

But also a Seeker.

Teaching me the things I cannot learn on my own.

Preparing me for great things.

Great things, I eagerly seek.

 

“I’m looking for me…You’re looking for you.  We’re looking at each other and we don’t know what to do…”

(And this song is a guilty pleasure…with my favorite drummer…Keith Moon.  The Natural/The Seeker will appreciate it, being a drummer Himself)