Ordering Off of the Menu

I have gone to the extreme in my quest to find submission.  This search consumes a great deal of energy.  And truly, there are days that I just want the dish of vanilla.  Simplicity.

Just a regular guy.

Not a Boy Scout or Cowboy.

Not a pierced doctor or Sunday school teacher.

Not a daddy.

Just a guy…for just a girl.

Let me be clear….I am not giving up Mr.Bond, just looking to supplement.

And there are so many flavors out there.

It’s a proverbial buffet of personalities.

And as I’ve established, they ALL fly a freak flag in some way.

Now I must navigate this abyss of online dating to determine what exactly I am hungry for…

It’s honestly like perusing the 12 page menu at TGI Fridays.

There are so many choices, it’s overwhelming and you find yourself making some rash decision simply because the waitress is on her third trip to your table.

Everyone else has made a decision.  Why can’t you?

So you pick something….

And you place your order.  Without special modifications.  After all, it was an impulse decision.

You order comes out and you think….


I don’t want this!  Not even appetizing at all.

It’s identical with online dating.

It’s like a cheap buffet.  And you feel in control because you choose to “order off of the menu” instead.

The websites trick you  into thinking you are making an informed choice, by providing you with affirmations like, “85% match”

Sometimes you are lucky and what you are served hits the spot.  Yes, it was an impulse decision, but a good one.

And then there are times that you place the order, knowing it’s going to be bad.

You try it anyway, thinking that after you taste it, you may like it.

Just not good.

Not what you wanted.

So how do you know what to order off of the menu in the buffet of online dating.

There are certain red flags in the description that let you know to run in the other direction.

For example, if the person’s screen name is “I-am-the-one” or “together-4ever” or “nxt-husband”

Run for the hills…and consider yourself warned.  If you heed this advice, consider yourself lucky.

If they have anything sexually explicit in their screen name, “hard-4-u” or “cum-2-c-me” you know what you are ordering.

Seriously? How crass…Isn’t there another website for such pseudonyms?

There are those that are funny.  Some are goofy, “cuddly-n-cute” or “laughaminute”

And you have to ask yourself, “do I want to spend an evening with a frustrated, undiscovered stand-up comedian?”

Do you want to force yourself to laugh at his jokes?

So it comes down to this…you get what you get, whether you line up at the buffet for what’s being offered to you.

Or if you order specifically off of the menu.

It’s all the same.  It’s all food.

Hopefully it will satisfy both your taste and your appetite.

Bon appetit, mes amis!






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