Disclaimer: Like the one before, this post may be too intense for some readers, especially those who do not subscribe to the lifestyle. Use caution before reading.
Now on with it….
Bond and I were about to explore limits with knife play. Here’s where we left off:
“Are you ready to test your limits, little girl?”
Am I ready? Really ready?
Please note, readers: Rational thinking should really kick-in at this point. The sound of the little voice that says, “this is crazy…get out before it’s too late” should be deafening.
Instead in my own voice, I confidently said, “Yes, Sir”
I had my back turned towards Bond. He wrapped his arms around me from behind in a very affectionate embrace. He slowly ran the point of the knife up my left thigh, applying some pressure, but not breaking the skin. He traced a line on both of my legs and up stomach, up further and further. He circled my breasts and traced my spine. It was not painful, but I could feel the point of the imposing knife.
Which brings me to my point.
In this session of play, it was not about pain, but rather the intensity. It was the taboo of playing with sharp and dangerous objects. The fear of being cut. And most of all, it was about trusting Bond. I realized at this “point” that what I crave along with fear is the ability to trust.
Enlightenment. (I should really be able to get this type of thing (fear/trust) from a company-paid ropes course, but this is far more fun)
We carried on with our evening. Bond was a very experienced Dom. I initially thought of him as a pain Dom, a sadist, a cruel bastard. I realized as we went further, that he was more of a blend. He craved my response. That was his drug. He was part sensual Dom.
Once again, Enlightenment.
Mr. Bond continued to test my limits and delivered pleasure beyond anything I’d ever experienced before. And although I ventured into the session with a distaste for bondage, Bond helped me understand it’s purpose. Sometimes the intensity and release would become too much. It was too good to experience. It was beyond my threshold. Had I not been restrained, I would have tried to escape. I would not have allowed myself to go that far. To be that consumed with pleasure.
Bond took me there. Somewhere….where no one has gone before.
There’s really not much you can do to resist, when your legs are tied. Your wrists are cuffed and tied behind your back. It is a feeling of helplessness. You must be able to fully and completely trust your Dom. That’s the mental part of submission. It is born out of the restraint.
In between play time, we talked at length about different things. Our vanilla lives. Our dark desires. Our struggles to blend the two worlds. (He was adept at the blend, it’s me who struggles)
Mr. Bond explained to me that I had a strong personality. Trust me, I’ve heard this before. He went on to say that because of my dominance in my vanilla life that I try “topping from the bottom”. This means I try to “control” the situation from my submissive role. And if I truly wanted to submit, I had to let go of all control.
Which is precisely what I did. We carried on for hours. Testing limits. Giving and receiving pleasure. Talking. Playing. And being intimate and close, the scariest part for me. But I took Bond’s instruction and let go. I deliberately gave away control.
I gave it all to him. As an offering.