Have you ever lost your way?
I mean, you know the right way to go, but you chose to go a different direction? Having enough adult ADD to be dangerous, I do this all the time. I travel all over the state, and I have found alternate routes to most of my destinations.
Sometimes, I need the interstate. I need the mindlessness of the highway. The speed and ease of “getting there”.
Other times I choose an alternate route. It may take me through areas with idyllic scenery. I don’t get there as quickly, but I savor the trip. I often find myself reflecting on living away from it all. Slowing down the pace. Enjoying nature. Nurturing my brood in a simpler place.
And then I realize how far away I would be from Target, and that thought-process comes to a screeching halt.
In all of this madness…that is my life, I sometimes forget that this is a journey. And I have made a commitment to the destination, but the course in which I get there is subject to change. It changes day-to-day, sometimes minute-by-minute. It’s about the choices I make.
I know where I want to go. I know where I want to be. How do I get there?
If my ultimate destination is to be closer to God, then I need to evaluate my course.
As I have said before, I am an addict.
I am a sinner.
I am not seeking perfection, I realize that’s not possible.
I seek enlightenment.
And each and every day, without fail, I receive a message from someone who acts as my GPS.
He gives unselfishly of himself, with no ulterior motive. And I have no idea why he does this for me. I am a broken, damaged person that seeks the company of father figures and agents of British intelligence…of boy scouts and cowboys. He could never have any real interest in me.
But without wavering, this person accepts and supports me. Even in my craziness, as I plan outings with sadists, he is there.
And just when I am about to take a wrong turn to explore the scenery, Sir reminds me of my destination. I know he’s right. I find it easiest to submit to this enigma who scares me more than any of them.
He takes me to the scariest place of all, my heart.