Dr. “Pierce”

Don’t you love the role of clichés in our lives. They serve as reminders that are engraved on our brains.

“You are what you eat”

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder”

“You never have a second chance to make a first impression”

And here’s one of my pearls of wisdom:

“You cannot make passion fruit sorbet out of vanilla ice cream”

If it is passion fruit sorbet that you crave, you should at least go the correct area in the store.

Frozen Foods-check
Ice cream/novelties-check

The same applies when looking for a Dom. Go to the right place, not a vanilla dating site. If you are on a vanilla site, you are likely going to get vanilla ice cream. Not passion fruit sorbet.

Just sayin’

So after weeks of conversation, I finally agreed to meet him. He was a persistent man I met on Ok Cupid, the same site where I met Sir (I guess he was an anomaly). He was a psychiatrist who lived on an island.

That sounds so mysterious…a psychiatrist on an island…AMC should create a new series…

I digress…

So after multiple invites, I arranged to go to the island to have dinner and spend the evening with who we will call, “Dr. Pierce.”

That was a major task for a mother of 3. For the mom who doesn’t want to disclose her plans or location to the innocent bystander. So much trouble just to leave. I found myself almost dreading the encounter, except for one reason.

This psychiatrist was “pierced” which was something I’d never experienced.

Where was the piercing you ask?

Must you ask? Really? Think…south of the equator.

Saturday came and I finally packed. I secured care for the kids. Cliché ALERT: “When all else fails, throw money at the problem.” (Be sure to file that pearl in your long-term memory, it’s actually useful) So I hired someone from daycare to keep them and paid her VERY WELL.

I arrived on the island a couple of hours later than planned. Dr. Pierce seemed perfectly fine with my tardiness…on the outside. As OCD as he was, I imagine he was enraged on the inside…but hey, not my issue.

He lived next to a marina on the water and his condo was nestled in a nook of bohemian shops and old world pubs. I honestly expected to see Hemingway stroll out of the corner bar. The air was warm with the smell of the ocean and I found myself taken in by the atmosphere

Dr. Pierce greeted me at my car and helped me carry my luggage. Bless him, I’d thrown everything I could think of in there…because what does one wear when staying with a psychiatrist, on an island, with a piercing?

He was smaller than I’d expected and very average looking. When you envision a psychiatrist, on an island, with a piercing…a different persona comes to mind. But he was nice. And I was there. Kid-free!!!
So, for me, all was well.

We boarded the elevator and he immediately threw my suitcase down in a corner, backed me up to the wall of the elevator and planted a passionate kiss on my shocked lips.

“I cannot wait to have you,” he whispered, and we walked off of the elevator to his condo.

Needless to say, I was a little confused…and a little excited at the same time. Who would have thought??

He showed me the view from the balcony and proceeded to disrobe me right there. I protested, but he reassured me that we were in a corner unit and no one could see over the bannister.

So, I thought…what the hell?

I’m on an island.
With a shrink
Who has a piercing. (Honestly, you can’t make this stuff up)

So it was happening right there. OMG…what a rush. Then I remembered…

Oh crap…he has a piercing. What the heck do I do with that?

So as always, I insisted on safety and he readily complied. But before that, I had to see this thing. I mean what kind of jewelry does one wear on a penis?

Does Pandora make a charm for that?

It was a small ring with a rounded stud midway along the shaft.

So there we were…

The psychiatrist
His piercing
On an island
On a balcony

I was truly scared as began to enter me. I didn’t know what to expect. Would it hurt? Would it bring immediate ecstasy? Would I hate it? Would it injure me?

And I all that I can say, is WHOA. A completely different experience. I was almost disturbed by it and aroused by it simultaneously. The piercing hit every spot, every time he moved in me. My voice was a full octave higher at times and lower others. I was all over the place.

It was almost too much. After our passionate encounter, we had a normal date.

Dinner first. Then Drinks. And a Movie. He was painfully quiet and I found the regular dating scene with him tedious and painful. Funny, I thought the piercing would be the “painful” part.

I pondered, during the bouts of uncomfortable silence, his reasoning for getting a piercing. This normal-looking, soft-spoken, professional man made a conscious decision to alter a part of his body. Did he feel inadequate in some way? Did he need the piercing as his offering? Is this the equivalent to boob jobs and teeth bleaching in some twisted way? I thought and thought…since there was minimal conversation. And as I thought about the elephant in the room…

We engaged in round two.

It was equally as good the second time. The mystique of the piercing was gone for this adrenaline-junkie, but not the amazing sensation.

So I leave you with this…the next time a psychiatrist, on an island, with a piercing invites you down for a date.

Do it…and savor the flavor, if you are looking for the experience.

I doubt our relationship will go any further. I am secretly glad. And happy that he had no people skills and that he’s almost 3 hours away. I could easily see myself transitioning into a stalker…

Another idea for AMC…


2 thoughts on “Dr. “Pierce”

  1. “Does Pandora make a charm for that?”

    cracking. up. i really hope they do. if not, maybe i can start a company called mandora and specialize in that specifically


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